Flavor Of Love 3Episode: A Night At The Hip-Hopera
March 31, 2008
Previously on Flavor Of Love: Decked out in pajamas the "ladies" were stunned when last season's contestants Becky/Buckwild and Safaaphyri ushered in four new "ladies" into the house. They're all better looking than any of the current contestants, even if one of them may have an Adam's Apple. And we were left on a "to be continued moment."
I Ain't Gonna Lie #1: "... but these beautiful, cunvashus (sic) young ladies was lookin' hot. They was lookin' real sexy, G."
The originals are not having it. They're convinced that these girls are trashy and that they're classy. (Well, everything's relative, right?)
New girl number one is an overly tanned girl with blue eyes. She wants to be called "Blue." Staring at her chest, Flav decides to call her "Black." (She's wearing a revealing black dress, don't cha know.)
New girl number two thinks she has the "complete package." She gets her requested name: "Prototype." (How does anybody here even know that word?)
Girl number three wants to be called "Luscious D." The name appears to have something to do with what she's bought to fill out the top half of her dress.
Newbie number four is the massively tall number I'm convinced is a fella.
Wooow#1: When Flav takes a ganger at the eight foot tall, um, contestant.
Flav thinks this one looks like Naomi Cambell. Prancer thinks what I'm thinking.
"... and I don't believe otherwise until I see vagina."
She really said that.
NuGirl (who really could be a new girl) wants to be called, er, Lex? Flav calls her "Tree."
Hotlanta thinks Tree may have a penis.
Suddenly, the old girls put aside their rivalries to take down the new girls by moving in together and leaving dirty rooms for the newbies.
Let the smack talk begin.
The next morning, the new girls wake to a kitchen full of vermin, flies and maggots covering dirty dishes and assorted detritus.
Challenge: Put on a hip-hop opera about Flavor Flav's life (and assorted VH-1 shows). There will be three acts (unlike R. Kelly's 83 chapters).
Seezinz says she's the expert on Flav and decides to direct and starts handing out parts, giving the biggest parts to the old girls.
Hotlanta drinks. Seezinz bosses people around. And Prototype takes shoves a metric ton of fabric under her skirt to more accurately portray Season Two "winner" Deelishus, she of bodaciuous bedonkadonk.
Act 1. The Things rap. Prancer plays Flav and Luscious D plays Brigitte Nielsen, the amazon who first took Flav's reality show innocence on The Surreal Life and Strange Love.
Act 2. The "ladies" recreate Season One with Tree playing notorious ex-contestant New York. The theater world is elevated when they artistically recreate the scene where departing contstant Pumpkin hocks a loogie in New York's face. In slow motion.
This being an opera, Tree/New York responds by singing.
In a baritone.
I Ain't Gonna Lie #2: (referencing Hotlanta's appearance on stage) " ... but I think she was a little drunk, man."
Prototype's take on Deelishus' ass is a big hit.
Act 3. The girls have to play themselves and rap. They suck. At rapping. Too.
I Ain't Gonna Lie #3: "... but some of the raps wasn't all that great."
Prancer's rap, though, suggests that she and Flav have already had, um, each other.
Prototype and Sinceer win the private date for having the best performances.
Back at the mansion, everyone rats out Hotlanta for being sauced.
The next morning, Prancer sees that the new girls are serving Flav breakfast in bed.
I Ain't Gonna Lie #4: "... but one of the greatest feelings in the world, fellas, is having four brand new girls sitting on your bed."
The NuGirls read a rap about how nasty the other girls are.
Wooow #2: As Flav sees the girls out of his bedroom.
Sinceer and Prototype don hats the size of Kansas and escort Flav to the date. But first, Flav asks the new girls to decide which old girl should get to continue on the show.
Turns out the date is to the Santa Anita Race Track, apparently where silly hats are required. It seems to make Flav lucky.
Back at the house, the NuGirls interview the old girls. They all embarrass themselves (more than usual). The Things try to defend sharing Flav, er, sexually. But, suddenly, one of the twins decides to take her sister down. (Of course, you can't tell which one it is.)
Back to the date. Prototype starts talking about her video work. Which makes Flav doubt her sincerity. And call her Phototype.
NuGirls reveal that Thing 2 was the one who wanted Flav to herself. She is the "realest" Thing.
Flav then decides to give the NuGirls their clocks then. And he gets a private moment with Thing 2 to tell her she's the one who's going to stay. No longer will she have to share one big clock around both their necks. And he takes a Sharpie and separates the two Things on the clock's face.
It's a touching moment. Made all the more touching when Flav points at Thing 2's face on the clock and says that this is her clock now.
"But that's me," says Thing 2, pointing at the other face on the clock.
Well, who can blame him, they're as alike as two peas in a pod. ... OK, how about two gnomes in a pea patch then?
So, Flav gives her his personal oversized spangled clock from around his neck. Now, Thing 2 has to explain the separation to Thing 1.
Elimination: In addition to the "ladies" who already have their clocks, novelty timepieces go to Sinceer, Seezinz and Thing 1, leaving Prancer and Hotlanta.
He calls down Hotlanta. He says she's not staying, but gives her a chance to change his mind and take out Prancer. She retorts by calling out Prancer's, um, indiscreet revelation of their, um ... fucking.
It's just so cute how they call it a "kiss and tell" thing.
How dare Prancer intimate that our proud viking would be anything less than a perfect gentleman with these fair maidens?
Hysterical Moment Of The Entire Series: Flav pontificates.
"Whenever I write something, it has a message to it. So that's why I be careful of what I write
'cause I try to send out the right messages."
Sort of like the right message he's sent out to the folks out there in TV land since this whole farce started.
But, there are messages and there are messages. So Hotlanta stays and Prancer hits the bricks.
And her real name? Mercedes.
A symbol of real class.
Next Time On Flavor Of Love: A wedding? Hotlanta dares to suggest that the McMansion isn't Flav's real house. Skydiving. And a funeral? Why is Flav in that casket?! Noooo!
Let the smack talk begin.
The next morning, the new girls wake to a kitchen full of vermin, flies and maggots covering dirty dishes and assorted detritus.
Challenge: Put on a hip-hop opera about Flavor Flav's life (and assorted VH-1 shows). There will be three acts (unlike R. Kelly's 83 chapters).
Seezinz says she's the expert on Flav and decides to direct and starts handing out parts, giving the biggest parts to the old girls.
Hotlanta drinks. Seezinz bosses people around. And Prototype takes shoves a metric ton of fabric under her skirt to more accurately portray Season Two "winner" Deelishus, she of bodaciuous bedonkadonk.
Act 1. The Things rap. Prancer plays Flav and Luscious D plays Brigitte Nielsen, the amazon who first took Flav's reality show innocence on The Surreal Life and Strange Love.
Act 2. The "ladies" recreate Season One with Tree playing notorious ex-contestant New York. The theater world is elevated when they artistically recreate the scene where departing contstant Pumpkin hocks a loogie in New York's face. In slow motion.
This being an opera, Tree/New York responds by singing.
In a baritone.
I Ain't Gonna Lie #2: (referencing Hotlanta's appearance on stage) " ... but I think she was a little drunk, man."
Prototype's take on Deelishus' ass is a big hit.
Act 3. The girls have to play themselves and rap. They suck. At rapping. Too.
I Ain't Gonna Lie #3: "... but some of the raps wasn't all that great."
Prancer's rap, though, suggests that she and Flav have already had, um, each other.
Prototype and Sinceer win the private date for having the best performances.
Back at the mansion, everyone rats out Hotlanta for being sauced.
The next morning, Prancer sees that the new girls are serving Flav breakfast in bed.
I Ain't Gonna Lie #4: "... but one of the greatest feelings in the world, fellas, is having four brand new girls sitting on your bed."
The NuGirls read a rap about how nasty the other girls are.
Wooow #2: As Flav sees the girls out of his bedroom.
Sinceer and Prototype don hats the size of Kansas and escort Flav to the date. But first, Flav asks the new girls to decide which old girl should get to continue on the show.
Turns out the date is to the Santa Anita Race Track, apparently where silly hats are required. It seems to make Flav lucky.
Back at the house, the NuGirls interview the old girls. They all embarrass themselves (more than usual). The Things try to defend sharing Flav, er, sexually. But, suddenly, one of the twins decides to take her sister down. (Of course, you can't tell which one it is.)
Back to the date. Prototype starts talking about her video work. Which makes Flav doubt her sincerity. And call her Phototype.
NuGirls reveal that Thing 2 was the one who wanted Flav to herself. She is the "realest" Thing.
Flav then decides to give the NuGirls their clocks then. And he gets a private moment with Thing 2 to tell her she's the one who's going to stay. No longer will she have to share one big clock around both their necks. And he takes a Sharpie and separates the two Things on the clock's face.
It's a touching moment. Made all the more touching when Flav points at Thing 2's face on the clock and says that this is her clock now.
"But that's me," says Thing 2, pointing at the other face on the clock.
Well, who can blame him, they're as alike as two peas in a pod. ... OK, how about two gnomes in a pea patch then?
So, Flav gives her his personal oversized spangled clock from around his neck. Now, Thing 2 has to explain the separation to Thing 1.
Elimination: In addition to the "ladies" who already have their clocks, novelty timepieces go to Sinceer, Seezinz and Thing 1, leaving Prancer and Hotlanta.
He calls down Hotlanta. He says she's not staying, but gives her a chance to change his mind and take out Prancer. She retorts by calling out Prancer's, um, indiscreet revelation of their, um ... fucking.
It's just so cute how they call it a "kiss and tell" thing.
How dare Prancer intimate that our proud viking would be anything less than a perfect gentleman with these fair maidens?
Hysterical Moment Of The Entire Series: Flav pontificates.
"Whenever I write something, it has a message to it. So that's why I be careful of what I write
'cause I try to send out the right messages."
Sort of like the right message he's sent out to the folks out there in TV land since this whole farce started.
But, there are messages and there are messages. So Hotlanta stays and Prancer hits the bricks.
And her real name? Mercedes.
A symbol of real class.
Next Time On Flavor Of Love: A wedding? Hotlanta dares to suggest that the McMansion isn't Flav's real house. Skydiving. And a funeral? Why is Flav in that casket?! Noooo!
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