Top Chef Masters: The Actual Finale

Top Chef Masters
Episode: The Actual Finale
August 19, 2009

Previously on Top Chef Masters:  Lots of super chefs were narrowed down to three, Chefs Hubert Keller (French super-chef), Michael Chiorello (Italian super-chef -- and hot, hot tempered dude) and Rick Bayless (not-actually-Mexican, Mexican super-chef).

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OK, I debated and debated with myself. And in the end I had me. Yes, I need to have a life and not develop a huge peptic ulcer over having to blog Top Chef, Top Chef Masters, and Project Runway in the amount of time I usually allow for one of these. Hence, what you see here is an express review, written in between trips to the pharmacy for refills on nervous pills.

Act One: The Chefs reflect on how far they came. They're gathered in front of a TV screen. A twist? A Quickfire? No!It's video greetings from their three sous chefs back home. How nice.

Aaaaaaand, cue the sous chefs walking into the kitchen! (And I heave a sigh of relief that load-o-pork-fat Art Smith isn't back to inflict himself on me.) Whew!

Elimination Challenge

The chefs will have to create a super dinner in three dishes. One shall reflect the chef's first food memory not associated with mammary glands. One shall reflect the moment they decided to dedicate themselves to cooking. One shall represent when they opened their first restaurant. And one shall reflect where they are now and where they see themselves in the future.

Hubert reminisces about being a wee French DJ in Frenchy Frenchlandia. He talks about how the Monday was laundry day and how this translates to stew or something. He pictures that in the future everyone who wants fillet mignon will have to settle for beef cheeks, what with the recession and all. (Trust me, he makes it make sense.)

Michael goes on about being a storyteller. And how he worked in a Miami multi-ethnic restauant once. And how burning grape vine clippings adds atmosphere to the kitchen.

And Rick talks about Mexico some more.

During our Fakeout Scene, we see that the fact that The Critic From The Frank Capra Flicks has had it in for Michael is not lost on the Italian-American Master. As such, he's flambéing pages of the critic's magazine to use as doilies for one of the dishes. (Myself, I'd like to flambé the critic,  but there's that whole "it's illegal to roast someone on an open flame -- unless it's at Guantanamo" thing. What can you do?)

Finally, when the meals are all served, we see that the critics are joined by the winners of each of the previous seasons of Top Chef (and Hosea and Ilan, too) as well as Tom, Padma and Gail from the regular show.

Each of the Masters presents his dishes and, by and large, they are huge hits. But, as you'd expect, each Master has one dish which, for one reason or another, is considered less than perfect.

Finally, it's time for ...

Critics Table

There, the critics gush over each of the dishes and mention each chef's one slight misstep.

First, they rate Hubert's dishes. He gets high marks.

Next, they rate Michael's. He would get the highest marks if the pencil-necked geek critic didn't clearly hate him so much. Still, it's higher than Hubert's score.

Finally, Rick's dishes get scored and he wins the whole shooting match and the title of ... Top Chef Master!

Rah. They're all great. The mistakes are so very minor that it shows why this show was just not nearly as interesting as the regular Top Chef.

Thankfully, that's back now.

Now, off to take more nervous pills so I can face doing a Project Runway blog next, not to mention dealing with the concept of actually watching Lifetime.