Project Runway: What (Emaciated) Women Want

Project Runway: Season Six
Episode: What (Emaciated) Women Want
September 10, 2009

Previously on Project Runway: Your gentle blogger decided that he needed to get away from the computer for five minutes and punted a recap. The designers made dresses which were supposed to be beachwear and avant-garde, but ended up being generally dull. Ra’mon was saddled with Mitchell The Anchor and still managed to win. And despite friction between Qrystil and Epperson, Mitchell was sufficiently useless that he was sent home despite having been on the winning team.

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Ok, so here’s the thing. I just can’t deal. So here’s what happened as well as I can remember.

We still have too many designers to follow. The designers (as seen on the previous week’s model show) trade models and some skinny chick who worked with either Qrystil or Epperson took a hike which made her BFF cry.

This week, Mistress Heidi announces that, waiting back in the workroom, are their clients who will need dresses made for them. This leads Nicolas to think that they could be anything from mail ladies to circus freaks. But, since this is not the mostly model-less Season Five, we’re not surprised to learn that the models are the clients. Think of it as the bizarro "real women" challenge.

They have some kind of artificial “model party” to attend and will need dresses that will make them stand out. Whoopee.

During their consultations, we learn that some of these chickies are clearly out of their minds. Most notably, Epperson’s model who wants something that’s punk-romantic-tiger-fierce-algebraic-chickensalad.

Irina’s model also proves that while she may look good in clothes, she has no idea what makes clothes look good. She wants some kind of head-to-toe royal blue nonsense. Thankfully, the designer manages to disabuse her of this notion. (Or maybe this was Shirin. I have such trouble telling these Persian beauties apart.)

Logan (this season’s shirtless designer) has a model who clearly wants Kenley Collins as her designer, since she’s desperate for a ‘50s dress. Logan barely has the first clue what to do with that, but is up for the challenge. The model complicates matters further, saying she’d also like it to incorporate some Stevie Nicks “Leather and Lace.” Foolishly, Logan attempts to comply with this request.

When Tim makes his Tim-around he breaks the record for most “talk to me”s in one show. He worries that Carol Hannah’s look may age her model. He seems happy that Epperson managed to get his wacky model’s requests under control. And he’s REALLY concerned that Logan’s cursed himself by suggesting his dress could be deemed ready for the “Smurf Prom.”

(There’s a dirty joke in there about crinoline gathered about Smurfette’s ears, but I’m not  making it.)

When Tim sees Qrystil’s creation, which isn’t altogether awful, he’s worried that it looks like an unmade bed. Taking the hint, The Q decides to, very late in the game, scrap her dress entirely and make some quickie black jersey number.

The day of the runway show, Logan dons his lucky shiny jeans which are meant to distract the judges from his dress, but only serve to turn on Johnny.

Come time for the Runway show, we see that Ra’mon (who was barely seen this time out) has made a bright blue number sporting a rosette the size of a Buick LeSabre. Gordana’s dress looks like something Heidi would wear to greet the designers (if she were to wear something that wasn’t quite sewn properly). And Althea’s pulled off a rather sexy take on a three-piece suit, with a jacket, shorts and a top.

Naturally, all the other designers thought it was a mess before it hit the runway.

Oh, and did I mention that Michael Kors is still M.I.A.? And it seems he’s taken Nina Garcia with him, since she’s nowhere to be found either. In their place, we have a Gillian look-a-like, some other random fashion chick … and Jackie Rogers, Jr.

It’s actually very sad.

When the tops and bottoms are pulled out, I honestly can’t tell which ones the judges are going to like and which ones they’re going to hate.

Carol Hannah’s dress, which earlier Tim thought might have looked too old for the model, is praised. (Personally, I neither hated nor loved it.)

Heidi gets gay gasps all around when she utters the dreaded “bridesmaid” word about Johnny’s purple party dress. He’s told that the dress is disgustingly “wearable.” Surprisingly confident, the designer welcomes the critique, saying he’ll learn from it “next time.” (I imagine he’ll take the criticism and make an outfit that bears a sharp resemblance to a prickly pear next time.)

Epperson’s Stripperella dress is actually praised saying it looks “like it was painted on.” Considering you could say the same thing about a muffin-topped mallrat in stretch jeans, I don’t see how that specific critique is a compliment. But what do I know?

Qrystil’s number is a total snooze. And as “don’t bore Nina” is the most important all-purpose advice any designer has ever gotten on this show, the fact that it’s so dull seems like it’s going to be the kiss of death for our cheery bad speller. Even if Nina is off big game hunting for orange-tinged fashion designers this week.

Within seconds of the questioning starting, it seems pretty clear that Althea’s walked away with this. I mean, when all four judges threaten to mug your model, strip her bare and fight like Carringtons over the remains of her undergarments, you know you have won this round.

In the end, it’s La Q who is auf’ed. Which is rather sad.

On the bright side, though, this gives her more time to shop for vowels.

Next time on Project Runway: It’s all in black-and-white. Yes, dresses made out of newspaper and magazines. See, there’s hope for dead tree media after all!