Project Runway: Around The U.S.A. (And Parts Of The Mediterranean) In Two Days

Project Runway: Season Six
Episode: Around The U.S. (And Parts Of The Mediterranean) In Two Days
October 22, 2009

Previously on Project Runway: The legendary Bob Mackie made an appearance. And he brought the formerly slutty, now Tony Bennett-approved Christina Aguilera along with him. And to honor him, the contestants made a series of really boring spangle dresses. Carole Hannah won for making a feather-bedecked gown which was the least boring outfit. And Poor Shirin wasn’t able to “make it work” and was sent packing to the gasps of the audience.

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Zip, zip, zip. Here goes.

After last week’s stunning ousting of Shirin, the designers are doing the whole “anyone could go” dance that happens at this stage of these things.

Heidi makes her appearance on the runway and makes some cryptic comment about “around the world” and some fancypants world-famous designer waiting for them on Rodeo Drive.

We get the obligatory, “Oh, this could mean anything!” nonsense before we see the gang march their little designer asses into Michael Kors’ Rodeo Drive store.

Well, considering he’s barely been on this season, the now-uncharacteristically pale Kors could qualify as a “special guest” at this stage.

Kors proves that he’s really awful at reading cue cards (see entry, Heidi Klum, Season One) and with Tim Gunn he says some rot about global appeal. Hence the challenge will be for each of the designers to pick one of seven global locales (presumably where Kors has stores) and design a dress inspired by them.

Yes, it’s an “Around The World” challenge. And by “The World” we mean five U.S. cities, the Mediterranean playground/‘70s disco act of St. Tropez and the nation of Greece.

Hell, Americans don’t know geography, so maybe they think “Aspen” and “Palm Beach” are exotic overseas locales too.

Anyway, the designers pick cities and the match-ups go like this:

• Carol Hannah picks Palm Beach (Florida, U.S.A.)

• Irina picks Aspen (Colorado, U.S.A.)

• Gordana picks New York City (New York, U.S.A.)

• Nicolas picks Greece (a foreign country)

• Althea picks St. Tropez (France, or a shade of Ban De Soleil tan)

• Christopher picks Santa Fe (New Mexico, U.S.A.)

• Logan is left with Hollywood (California, U.S.A.).

“I know I’m gonna be O.K. Yea, It's a party in the U.S.A.”

After two days of the usual workroom drama and Tim’s “talk to me”s, we see that …

• Irina is still in the running to be the show’s all-time snottiest smack-talker,

• Gordana is worried that she’s only made a fancy necklace and doesn’t have an actual “dress” made,

• Nicolas isn’t really aware what a “Greece” is,

• Christopher (who has does a great Michael Kors impression) is focusing on making a cool belt to be paired with a dress that would fit in nicely at the Juniper Creek compound on Big Love,

• Carol Hannah is making a variation on the dress she’s wearing,

• Logan is trying to make a coke-and-clubbing outfit for Lindsay Lohan,

• And Althea is still on this show.

When the runway show gets underway, we see that not only do we have an actually FUN guest judge in actress/fashionista Milla Jovovich, but for the first time since Dick Cheney shot that guy, we have Michael Kors and Nina Garcia in the judging chairs.

The Fashion Show Runway show starts!

Gordana’s made a gorgeous necklace which is attached to a very sheer, yet elegant short gray dress (which makes me wonder if they used the model’s nipples to cut the gemstones in the necklace). The judges think it does reflect New York City, Park Avenue glamour.

Still, when they praise her outfit, she almost manages to talk them out of liking it, saying that it wasn’t as good as she would have liked it to be. (Great strategy, Gordana!)

Christopher made a pretty late decision to cut 20 inches off the bottom of his prairie dress. As a result, he presents an intricate belt attached to a dress appropriate for your average modern, fun-loving, street-walking sister-wife. The judges don’t think it says “Santa Fe,” but they do like the belt.

Irina Of The Shitty Personality shows (again) that she’s really far-and-away the most talented designer left. In interviews, she had sniped that the rest of the designers spend all their time yakking and then complain that they don’t have time to finish their outfits and that she spends it sewing.

She shows off an outfit with well-made pants, a cowl-neck sweater and a faux fur vest. The judges agree that her look is detailed and it does suggest Aspen. (And while I agree, I think it looks more “Chrissy Snow Visits Aspen In 1978” than anything current.)

Carol Hannah (who has a model who really could sell ANY outfit) presents a green-patterned maxi-dress with a braided/knotted detail along the bust and back. The judges think it really does suggest Palm Beach and could work for a variety of women, dressed down for the beach or up for a more elegant look.

Logan, meanwhile, has made a look I could SWEAR I saw Lindsay Lohan wearing in some mug shot someplace. It’s white denim pants with a striped top and suspenders. There is nothing bad about it. There is also nothing even remotely interesting about it. The judges feel pretty much the same way.

Nicolas’ look leaves me a tad confused. It features a white top which features a series of curious cross-chest strips of fabric (which is actually somewhat interesting). And it’s paired with gray slacks. It’s pretty clear that he didn’t know the first thing about Greece.

(On the Models show, we find out that his model had been to Greece and had mentioned to him that the heat is so bad there that women never wear slacks there. And he still went ahead with his pants plan.)

Kors thinks the look is more Grease the movie than Greece the country. (It’s so nice to have Mr. Tangerine Man back!) And the others think that if the concept of the top was carried through to a skirt, it could have worked.

And Althea made another nice outfit.

After the judges look at everything, Althea is sent off as the sole middle-of-the-pack’er.

This leaves me to guess who’s a top and who’s a bottom this week. As usual, I’m wrong again.

The judges think Irina’s, Gordana’s and Carol Hannah’s looks were the best and Christopher’s, Logan’s and Nicolas’ were the worst.

(OK. I was close. I actually thought they’d like Nicolas’ and dislike Gordana’s.)

Side note: Throughout the judging Gordana and Nicolas have an odd non-verbal bonding thing going with Milla. Must be that secret Eastern European mind meld.

After the deliberations, Carol Hannah is sent away.

And the winner of the challenge is … Irina!

(Not that she didn’t deserve it, but OY how that’s gonna make her that much more snotty next week!)

Gordana is told to grow a pair and have confidence in her design before she’s sent away. She gives the guest judge a secret Slavic hand signal (Translation: “We attack at dawn!”) and she heads away.

Logan is told to design something interesting next time and is sent away.

Leaving Christopher and Nicolas as the Last Gays Standing.

OK, I’m pretty sure Christopher hits the road this week, so let me get up and get some Scooby Snacks.

From the other room I hear …

“Nicolas … You are out.”

Wha?? The Feather Prince went down?

If I knew he’d’a been goin’ I’da baked a cake.

Next time on Project Runway: We get an answer to the question we’ve all been asking for weeks. “What do the backs of the designers’ heads look like?”