Project Runway: Finally! Finally! Finally!

Project Runway, Season Six
Episode: Finally! Finally! Finally!
November 19, 2009

Previously on Project Runway: The three finalists, Irina, Carol Hannah and Althea, made it to Bryant Park for the final runway show. Carol Hannah was vomitous (even without having heard what Irina’s been saying about her) but managed to pull herself together just enough to make it through the day. Some strangers named “Michael” and “Nina” offered final advice. And Heidi “surprised” the gang with the news that they’d have to create a 13th look.

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When we last left our not-so-merry troupe, poor Carol Hannah had her head in the toilet, which she suggests is not going to help her win this thing.

The next morning, the three finalists and their three helpers (ie. the last three eliminated designers) arrive in the workroom to work and to console a clearly broken Carol Hannah.

As they work, we see that Althea has now taken to wearing one of those idiotic knit caps Logan loves so, and they then head off to Infomerciallandia for their hair and makeup consultations.

Fast forward … blip, blip, blip.

“It’s based on gothic architecture ...”

Blip, blip, blip.

“We’re on the same page …”

Blip, blip, blip.

Model fitting.

“The fittings are going great …”

Blip, blip, blip.

Tim arrives. He advises Irina to be careful that her model’s helmet-y hats don’t look too costume-y. She mentions that her models’ makeup will have a “muddy” look.

He heads to Althea’s corner. She mentions that her models’ looks will have a messy look to them.

“That sounds like what Irina was telling me,” Tim says.

Cue the stare of death from Irina.

“That’s Althea,” she mutters.

(You know, as much as this whole ‘Althea’s stealing Irina’s ideas’ meme is a trumped up drama intended to keep us from falling asleep completely, I’m starting to wonder if the woman really has any original ideas herself. … Check out her latest, post-Runway collection online if you don’t believe me.)

Tim’s “talk to me” with Carol Hannah is mostly about her health. But he’s impressed with her teal goddess-looking 13th look.

The day ends and they head back to the hotel. The next morning, Carol Hannah is a mite better and they go back to the salt mines for their final day of work.

I go get a sandwich. It’s a turkey club. It’s very tasty. I cut off the crusts because I think that makes it all classy.

Is anything interesting happening on the show? No? Back to the sandwich.

I decide to pour another glass of seltzer over ice. I’ve never liked the flavored kind, but the supermarket never seems to have enough of the plain kind and I have to settle for the lemon-lime.

Is anything happening on the show again? … Oh, it’s the last gather-round.

Tim pulls the ladies away from their last-minute work. Oh, that must be so stressful, what with them only having (looking at the clock) fifteen minutes to go. It’s odd that they seem so collected this close to deadline.

A moment later, we see that we’ve gone back in time by a half-hour (that’s what you get for putting a clock on camera) and we see Irina and Gordana stressing out over not having enough time to finish everything.

Ah, editing.

The day ends and they head back to the hotel for a few minutes of sleep. Before we know it, it’s 3 a.m. and the three are getting up and getting ready for the big day.

“I definitely have every emotion you can possibly think of,” says Irina.

Indeed. She looks quizzical and constipated, mournful and frustrated, bored and lusty all at the same time. Strange, that is.

After having to figure out how a door works, they head off to the tents at Bryant Park to look at the show space.

It’s montage time! Hair! Makeup!

Hold on. Something’s wrong. Tim’s concerned that people aren’t nearly ready to go. He’s very upset. He’s downright concerned. He’s “about to lose it.” What is happening?!

“This is crazy!” He adjusts his glasses.

OK, I guess that’s what Tim “losing it” looks like.

I’m so glad I got to witness that. It made this whole season worthwhile.

The crowd pours in. And we get to see … Nina. Michael. And the rest of this season’s contestants. And no one else.

See what happens when you have to cut loose five seasons of people you can interview when you change networks, Weinsteins?

You could have had us see what Jeff Lewis and the Real Housewives of Orange County think about the designs, but noooooooooo! You had to have your precious Lifetime, didn’t you?

Finally, it’s time for the (magically edited) show. Heidi comes out and greets the crowd and the we see the crowd responding to something else.

Heidi introduces the judges, the elusive Michael Kors and Nina Garcia (brought together for this one-time-only appearance under court order, it seems) and this season’s guest judge Not Fern Mallis. This chubby British lady, the symbol of all the loser seat fillers judging this season, wears the traditional hairstyle of the distracting guest judge, the lone beer-can hair curler stuck right on her noggin.

That said, let’s start the (magically edited) show!*

* By “magically edited,” we mean that, since the show taped before the season even started to air, the producers couldn’t have the designers appear on stage, lest the audience all know who the top three were before the season even started. Hence, we have since learned, the designer walkouts were filmed without the huge audience and were edited in to make it look like they appeared before the crowd as they normally wold.

First, Althea comes out and addresses an empty room and we see the audience respond to something else. She says flatly that her design was inspired by sci-fi (or is it SyFy now?) and is about what the “woman of tomorrow” would wear.

Out come the models.

So it seems that in the future, women will not need the use of their hands, since they will be wearing sweaters with sleeves that are a good six inches longer than their arms. Also, in the future, big black headbands will be hot, hot, hot!

Althea tells us she’s proud of herself for “stepping it up” as we see her collection of black, beige and white sportswear with an emphasis on knits and pants. We also see her boyfriend, who looks suspiciously like the unfortunately ubiquitous Levi Johnston.

Overall, her looks are better than anything I’ve seen from her before. Which is a plus. But there is this one look with a skirt so tight around the knees that I don’t see how the model made it down the runway.

Again, we get a spliced-in scene of Althea on the runway, walking behind her models, and then it’s time for Carol Hannah’s greeting to the “audience.”

Once she’s done spreading her germs to the production staff, it’s on with her collection.

She presents a series of really pretty looks. There are skirts and pants, gowns and dresses. They’re all lovely and seem to show off a great deal of thoughtfulness and detail. If I have one criticism of the collection, it’s that it doesn’t seem to be so much a collection as a series of great, unconnected looks.

Finally, it’s time for Irina to pop in and speak to us from another dimension. The crowd applauds in the direction of where she would be standing.

She explains that her collection was about New York City and “comforting and shielding” yourself. So, women need battle gear to make it down Fifth Avenue without being assaulted by construction workers, it seems.

Out come the dresses. The collection was, as expected, very black.

But, boy is it black.

“It's like, how much more black could this be? And the answer is none. None more black.”

The looks are edgy and dramatic, with a definite commonality which allows the collection to hold together. It’s heavy on pants, and some of the models are wearing these curious hats which suggest a military look. (That military look which was so popular years ago when this was filmed.)

The problem with the black, though, is that it’s really hard to see the details of the work. And when one of the models comes out wearing a beige oversized sweater (that thing that she invented and no one can ever use without giving her credit), it really stands out.

But overall, it’s really pretty stunning. And it’s just what I expected when I saw the pictures months ago.

We get quick shots of the other season six castoffs telling us what they thought and then it’s off for the judging.

Heidi, Michael, Nina and NotFern With The Spermy ‘Do reflect on what they saw. And out come the designers.

Heidi recaps everything that’s happened so far and … she springs on them the news that they’ll have to create a 14th look. NOW!

Nah, she tells us Irina won. Whoopee.

Did you think I wanted to go on for another half-hour about this snoozer?

Irina cries. Her family comes out and congratulates her. And the girl finally gets the approval she’s always wanted from her daddy.

Which makes me think she could be a character on Lost.

Do you see how my mind wanders during this show? It’s sad, actually.

Tim congratulates Irina and gives her the invisible keys to the invisible Bravo sponsormobile which she’s won and she drives off into the sunset.

And once that’s over, America braces for the super-exciting final episode of Models of the Runway! How ever will that end?

Now let’s all hope that the next season wakes us up again.

Until then, you all can leave the Runway.