Episode: She’s Dressing For Three Now
August 27, 2009
Previously on Project Runway: We braced ourselves as Project Runway made the transition to the network of feisty women fighting off their abusive husbands. And while we were prepared for an attack of the Meredith Baxters, we were blindsided by an attack of the Lindsay Lohan. In the end, a Samantha Ronson look-alike was sent packing by the judges for making a shiny baked potato dress that the firecrotch found “inappropriate.”
Morning! And now it’s time for the ordained, “Oh, now that so-and-so’s gone, I’m aware this is a competition” moment. I assume we’ve all placed bets on who gets to deliver the line this week.
Althea (“The Midwestern Girl”): “It definitely is a wake-up call that Ari’s gone. I didn’t think she was gonna go home and it definitely woke everyone up, like, can’t slack on any challenge.”
Althea? Did anyone have Althea? If so, come down and collect your American Apparel bag o’ scraps!
Later, while Logan (“The Token Straight Guy”) gets something to eat, we see that Malvin (“The Loon”) eats breakfast standing up against the wall, wrapped in the drapes, with only his mohawk’ed head sticking out. What? It’s conceptual! You’re just not smart enough to understand!
And before everyone heads off to the set, the guys sit around and discuss how Mitchell (“The Puck”) will now be famous for having sent a naked model down the runway. (See last challenge.)
Moments later, we’re on the runway …
(And here is what we don’t see: On the episode of Models of the Runway last week, we got to see that, as with the first season or two, this year there will be a full button-bag-assisted model pick each week. As a result, while most designers kept their models, some switched. And, in the end, Ari’s redheaded model was saved, but the model who bravely walked nearly nude for Mitchell was eliminated.)
Back to what we do get to see. Heidi congratulates Christopher (“The Amish Beard”) for winning the last challenge and tells him he has immunity this week. Then, she explains this week’s challenge. The designers will be creating an outfit for an actual celebrity. Heidi cleverly describes the celeb as a woman who is a model and a TV star, which, naturally, makes everyone think they’ll be designing too-short skirts for her.
Psych! … As if Heidi would wear something down the red carpet that some Project Runway contestant made! (See entry, Heidi Screws Over Season One Winner Jay McCarroll On The Red Carpet.)
Nope, the star is … (former) Ugly Betty featured he/she, Rebecca Romijn-NotStamos-But-Not-Adding-O’Connell-So-As-To-Not-Have-To-Snip-A-Hyphen-Again. And, she is “with child.” Or rather, “with litter.” (That Jerry O’Connell sperm must be mighty potent.)
After the two models bond over their blonde-ness, height and natural fertility, Heidi explains that the designers are to create a “pregnancy chic” outfit for Rebecca which can be for any occasion. Nicolas (“The Unfortunate Hair”) curses and freaks, since he’s never been in the room with a pregnant woman before.
The designers walk back into the workroom and see that by their dress forms are rather large pregnancy pillows which are to be tied to the forms. All but one of the designers spend the next half-hour trying to figure out where on the body the baby bump goes. The young women are convinced it goes on the front while the gay guys think it just HAS to be on the back. Logan just looks the other way, since babies scare him.
Ra’mon (“The Misplaced Apostrophe”) thinks the size of the belly suggests a woman in her “second semester,” since it smells strongly of Algebra 102.
Finally, Gordana (“The Slav”) has to clear this up for everyone, since she’s the only one who’s actually been through childbirth. (I could make a joke here about having seen other women go through it, too, before their babies were taken away by gypsies. But that would be wrong.)
Tim arrives. He mentions that the design is to be form-fitting, and that the winner will get immunity next week. They get thirty minutes to sketch.
Malvin explains to us that, having been through the last challenge, he now has a perfect handle on things. He now knows that the judges want to see a combination of function with complete lunacy. And he has a plan to deliver just that.
Once sketching time is up, Tim takes them to Mood to shop.
Go! Go! Go!
While at Mood, we hear Shirin (“The Convertible Coat Cutie”) is planning to, well, make something with a coat.
Qrystil (“The Problem Speller”) provides our the season’s first running gag by again running through Mood, panicked that she won’t get what she needs in time.
Time’s up! Thank you, Mood!
Back in the workroom, Ra’mon notes that most of the other designers are opting for drape-y, goddess-y dresses. And, since he was urged to “step it up” last week, he’s going to be daring and try for something tailored and fitted instead. Let’s see how that works out.
Louise (“This Year’s Retro Chick”), naturally, is doing a ‘20s-inspired negligee-looking dress. Meanwhile, Malvin clucks that his concept will be, well, a high-concept involving fertility, a mother hen, a nest and an oversized egg.
After various nanoseconds of looking at other designers, we land on Mitchell. He’s worried that he could make the same sheer fabric mistake again this week. So, to be on he safe side, he’s lining his casual wear outfit with t-shirt material. This should ensure he stays out of the bottom two this week.
Oh, and he’s making some “cute” shorts to go with the outfit. They’ll sit low on the model, have an elastic “belly band” … and will be big enough to have two designers stand in them at once.
But it’s the t-shirt material that will save him.
Day One ends and suddenly it’s wake-up time on Day Two.
After some brief chit-chat, it’s back to the workroom for more sewing.
Gordana is happy that, overnight, her mental block has been broken. Mitchell breaks a needle. And Ra’mon expounds on how he’s playing with perspective, sewing what he may think is the equivalent of slimming racing stripes into the dress.
Tim arrives for his “talk to me”s.
First stop, Althea. He asks her to explain her gown and she says it some sort of day look. The sort of daytime luncheon one would attend wearing a dress with a train. Stunned, the mentor suggests she give up that line of thought, since it’s clearly an elegant evening gown. (Really. How can one be the dress’s creator and not see that?)
Next, Louise. Tim likes her dress, but is concerned it looks like a nightie.
Mitchell next gets Tim’s “talk to me.” They discuss the t-shirt material and Tim’s glad that this time the model’s nipples will not appear on national television.
Over to Shirin. He loves the braiding detail on her dress. And he loves the idea of adding a jacket, but insists it be the “right” jacket.
And then there’s Malvin. This week’s whack job expounds on his maternal avian concept, complete with a feather mimicking a hand cradling the “egg” that is the belly. And as the cherry on top, he wants to add jodhpurs so as to give his model “chicken thighs.”
I wish I was making this up.
Tim is flabbergasted at the ludicrous concept. “What woman wants her thighs to look bigger?” he asks. Still, he says the design is “very interesting,” adding that he’s “not bored.”
Personally, I wouldn’t be bored by a root canal either, but I wouldn’t want to experience one.
Last, Tim heads over to Ra’mon and his purple, color-blocked, tailored dress-thing. Tim acknowledges that the designer wants to “celebrate” the pregnancy, but suggests he’s giving it “a fanfare.” He advises Ra’mon to not “be safe,” but to get there without “being cuckoo.”
Somewhere a German clock starts ticking.
After Tim’s visit, we see some designers altering their looks based on his feedback. Louise is adding more layers to her dress to mitigate the nightgown look. And Malvin looks inward towards his inner Colonel Sanders for inspiration.
Over at Ra’mon’s station, Mitchell pays a visit to school his friend in the fine art of Sarc 101 (or, would that be Backhanded Compliments 301, I can never tell). He says the design looks “cute,” adding casually, “Your bowling bag looks good.”
A look of shocked awareness hits Ra’mon’s face. “What?!”
“It’s looks a little bit like a bowling ball bag,” Mitchell says under his breath. “It looks good. You’ll probably win. … It looks really good.”
“I have to go. I have to leave the room.”
As Ra’mon runs from the room aghast at what he has made, Mitchell continues his clever undermining strategy saying that it looks a lot better from far away.
“No, it looks good. … It looks very (pause) streamlined.”
Mission accomplished! Mitchell really should go on Big Brother. … No, that’s good! He would win. … He’d do really well.
Tim arrives to send in the models for fittings. And in seconds, America gets to see a bunch of gay guys get a bunch of models pregnant.
Since no one really gives a crap about the models, how one has a two-year old kid, how Johnny (“This Week’s Invisible Designer”) can teach his model how to walk and such, we’ll skip ahead.
Now it’s time for Moments In Cross-Designer Smack-Talk!
Qrystil thinks the jacket on Johnny’s dress is outdated. Nicolas thinks a bunch of the other dresses are neither fitted nor chic.
Cross-Designer Smack Talk over!
And, with that, Day Two is done.
The next morning, we check in with the boys over breakfast. Malvin seems to have commiserated with his Egg McMuffin and is now having second thoughts about his cholesterol-enriched design.
We see Qrystil scramble out the door. (Did we mention this would be a running gag?) And it’s back to the workroom.
In the last minutes, we see Mitchell worried that his shorts aren’t coming together, Ra’mon channel Christian Siriano, stealing his tired “hot mess” line. And when Logan pounds a grommet into something, someone summons up the spirit of Leatha Stella.
Tim sends in the models. (Again. We don’t care about the models. Skip.)
Scurry, scurry, scurry! Malvin makes a pun about the other designers not “having cracked the egg, so to speak.” Aaaaand … time!
To the Runway!
Heidi comes out, recaps the challenge and introduces the judges. This week, we have Nina (now of “Mary Claire” Magazine, as Heidi pronounces it), and, sitting in for Michael Kors (who is off getting re-oranged), is a third experienced mommy, guest judge, fashion designer Monique Lhullier. And, of course, the client, the TV-star-way-back-when-this-was-filmed Rebecca Romijn.
Why, it’s a regular hen party!
Now, on with the show!
- Logan’s Outfit: A sporty fitted dress over cropped leggings. Cute. (Though I had no idea his model was insane! … Tune in next week for details.)
- Shirin’s Outfit: A lovely scarlet, sleeveless dress with a braided detail about the top end of the belly. She’s paired it with an elegant long coat with a lovely, patterned lining.
- Nicolas’ Outfit: A cute, black cocktail dress which happens to have a pregnancy belly. The skirt is short and quite tight, though, and it rides up as the model walks the runway.
- Christopher’s Outfit: Another cute number. A plum-colored, asymmetrical, flow-y top over black, cropped leggings.
- Mitchell’s Outfit: An exceedingly casual number. She appears to be wearing a white, torn wife-beater with an oatmeal-colored sweater over the most poorly sewn shorts ever made. I imagine this is what a pregnant Amy Winehouse would look like.
- Qrystil’s Outfit: A drape-y coral-colored dress with a darker panel at the bottom. Pretty. But the pregnancy factor is incidental.
- Epperson’s Outfit: (Epperson, incidentally, is one of the designers on this show.) He’s made what looks like a variation on Björk’s famous swan gown. Only without the swan and the feathers. Wait. That’s a coat. Underneath is a Lauren Hutton-in-American Gigolo, satin halter-top jump suit. With a pregnant belly.
- Louise’s Outfit: Red. Shiny. Pretty. But really looks like lingerie. The perfect outfit in which to shoplift items out of Victoria’s Secret.
- Gordana’s Outfit: Navy blue (or is it indigo?). A short, pretty, flow-y dress paired with a more gray sweater and leggings. Nice. Next.
- Johnny’s Outfit: Elegant day dress. Black with a nice piping detail. I could totally see this on Rodeo Drive. And the pregnancy part is neither avoided or overly enhanced. (Note: previously scorned jacket is not worn.)
- Malvin’s Omelette: What appears to be a feather-accessorized black leotard is highlighted by a eggshell white baby sling about the midsection. Some would suggest it’s a Baby Björn. I think it’s more akin to the baby-carry-alls I see worn by Liberian women waiting at the international check-in line at the airport.
- Ra’mon’s Gutter Ball: Indeed. It looks like the woman’s wearing a bowling ball bag. But the color blocking made me think it was made from the remains of the Eastern Airlines first class lounge, circa 1978. Oh, and rather than making the woman look like she’s pregnant, it makes her look like she has some kind of massive tumor instead.
- Carol Hannah’s Outfit: (Yes, Carol Hannah is also a designer on this show.) Nice dress.Teal (?) on the bottom. Metallic grey mini-jacket on top. Next.
- Althea’s Outfit: Elegant black evening gown. The only problem is that I’m afraid that what passes for boobs on this model may pop out any moment.
- Irina’s Outfit: (Damn! There are still too many designers!!) Lovely sky blue dress with a pretty baby blue satin detail about the hem and waist. One of the “pregnancy element is incidental” outfits.
Finally, we get though the parade and Heidi sends the middle-of-the-pack to safety. Once that’s done, we’re left with the tops and bottoms as …
Althea, Malvin, Mitchell, Louise, Shirin and Ra’mon.
I think I have a handle on who’s a top and who’s a bottom.
They bring out the models and the questioning begins.
Ra’mon goes first. The judges find it sloppy, think the design is “too confusing” and draws arrows toward the baby.
Next is Louise. Rebecca thinks it looks like lingerie, but would wear it out on a date with her husband-of-the-moment.
Althea says she imagined herself pregnant and (wisely) has decided to sell it as an evening gown. And her sales job works. The guest judge does notice that the boobs are only barely covered.
And then there’s Malvin. He goes on about a “mother hen” and a “precious” egg. He proudly points out the feather detail. Nina says that she rather likes the black aspect, but the eggshell white sling is disturbing.
When Mitchell gets the third degree, the judges slam his shorts and say the model looks like “a pregnant mess.”
Finally, they question Shirin and they are all crazy about her braiding detail, the multi-layered hem and the elegant coat. They think she should get into making maternity wear, something she has never done before.
They send the designers away.
While they discuss, Rebecca uses the words “bowling ball bag” more than once to describe Ra’mon’s mess. And, while they can see SOME (trashy) women wearing Mitchell’s sloppy get-up, Heidi thinks the shorts look like something she could have sewn herself.
And then there’s Malvin. They all agree that they got the concept. A bizarre concept.
As for the best, they thought Shirin’s was the most wearable. They loved the back of Althea’s gown. And Louise’s day/nightie gets mixed reviews.
They call the designers back out.
(Commercial! … Hey! Why the fuck do they think I would be the least bit interested in seeing some half-baked sitcom starring that homophobic flat-earther from The View? … Idiots.)
Louise is in. She leaves the runway.
Now for the winner.
Congratulations ... Shirin! (Yea!!)
Althea is in. She heads back, too.
Ra’mon is in. He heaves a sigh of relief and leaves the runway.
Heidi shames Malvin and Mitchell, Malvin for his “bizarre” outfit and Mitchell for his “sloppy” offering.
Malvin … you’re out.
Mitchell … you are hanging by a thread. (No. Wait. Isn’t that the line...? Where am I getting this from?)
As he heads back to say goodbye, Malvin The Martian thinks that he’s being sent home because he’s a “philosopher” who is “too conceptual for America.”
For some reason, in my mind, this evokes a design involving a tin-foil hat.
Next time on Project Runway: The designers will be working in teams of two … Save, Delete or Restart?