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Project Runway: Season Seven
Episode: Do I Detect A Pattern Here?
March 25, 2010
Previously on Project Runway: The designers were split into four teams of two and were sent off to iconic neighborhoods around Manhattan for “inspiration.” And most all the designers determined that from Chinatown and the Upper East Side to the East Village and Harlem, Manhattan inspires black and gray. Seth Aaron and Emilio won for a pair of outfits inspired by Harlem, the denim capital of the world. But it was Amy’s peachy, pleated shirt-dress that got the promising Persian pushed out the door, as the judges did not find it peachy at all.
Morning. Jonathan is still weepy from losing his gal pal Amy. (Plus he seems to have even put on weight since this whole season began.) To channel his grief, he’s created a mournful art piece atop his head which he shall wear for the remainder of his time with us.
Anthony announces that he shall make it his personal mission to annoy the bejeezers out of me for the rest of the hour. Maya (rightfully) complains that, despite always delivering stellar work, she’s never won a challenge and pledges to do so this time. And Emilio suggests that he’s going to be “normal” now (as opposed to the unmitigated asshole he’s been up until now?).
The Teutonic baby-seed-pod-in-leggings arrives for the model pick (which resulted in the 50-foot Holly being sent tucking packing) and weekly word puzzle. She mutters something incoherent and sends the designers back to the work room.
There, Tim again presents his wrists and introduces this week’s heavily-accented fashion designer, one Vivienne Tam, who shall also be this week’s guest judge.
Tim explains that this week the designers will be doing something quite novel. They will be designing their own textiles which will serve as the core of this week’s looks. Jonathan, who has already shown a propensity for making his own fabric patterns, is particularly enthused by this challenge.
We pause now for an extended commercial for the miraculous Kaypro II personal computers, on which the designers will create their patterns. These virustastic units are miraculous in that the designers will be able to paint their patterns on these desktop units which are world renowned for their ability to deliver spyware at record speeds.
The designers plant themselves in front of the screens and (after a six-hour training session on how to access Tools/Options/Properties and then hit Alt-Control-Delete a few times) they start creating.
Anthony says he’s not used to working with patterns. Mila says she’s making something that looks like dripping paint. And Mr. Emilio Sosa continues to be our resident shrinking violet, “branding” himself all over his fabric by drawing what he says reads “ES♥SA,” but rather looks like “I ♥ SASEs (Self-Addressed Stamped Envelopes).”
We get to see how the Mighty Kaypro can print out the “fabric sample” as a digital print with incredible ease (once you purchase your $5,000 wide format printer, turn off all firewall and antivirus software, reboot twice and have someone come out and install your custom drivers). And, poof, just like that! The designers have their prints.
The designers toddle off to Mood for “supplemental” fabrics and, this time, they have to spend half of their time examining Pantone books to see that the fabrics they choose here will match the actual fabric when it arrives (since the marvelous Kaypro wide-format printer can’t be trusted to reproduce on paper the actual color which will arrive on the designers’ fabrics, I’m sure).
And we’re back.
In the workroom, the designers go about creating their basic structures, as they won’t get their actual fabrics until the next day. This will leave lots of extra time for cross-designer smacktalk.
Anthony, who is already veering into “making me wanna throw a brick into the flatscreen” territory, goes on a tear about Mila’s primary-colored pattern and discusses his disdain for dressing in Danish construction toys.
And Poor Jonathan (as he shall be known until he changes his attitude or his luck improves) sees that his pale pattern has printed so very faintly on the stupendous Kaypro printer, that it looks like one of those super-secret spy letters written in lemon juice on paper.
Anthony gets all mopey about the challenge and designing separates. And Emilio announces that he’s going to be working from his viscera today. When Anthony tells him to look at his design objectively, Emilio once again consults his viscera. His viscera tells him to abandon his bustier concept and start over.
And speaking of people I’d like to kick in the viscera, we then get 10 minutes of “Oh, my! That Anthony is a caution to the jay-bird, I do declare!”
I sit on my hands gritting my teeth and reminding myself that a TV is an expensive purchase and that cleaning up wires, broken glass and bric-a-brac would take all night.
“… Do you think Beyoncé has a song …”
Aaaargh.
“… You get a car! You get a car! … “
Urrrrrrgh.
“… My Uncle Leroy has that same problem …”
Raaaaaaaah.
“… I don’t try to be funny …”
And you don’t succeed, sucka. (Muttering: "TVs are expensive. TVs are expensive. TVs are expensive.")
(Girlish shriek.)
CRASH!
Damn. Sorry, I couldn’t take it another minute.
Now, as I have to go looking through circulars for a replacement unit, I don’t have much time to finish this fool thing.
So, here’s what happened next (as discerned from seeing the rest of the show through a million little glass shards and flickering sparks).
They end the day. Seth Aaron gets to use the Jitterbug Cell Phone Of Doom. The next day begins and the designers see that their textiles have arrived.
Everyone orgasms all over their fabrics, requiring a major clean-up job off camera.
Mila is the first one to observe that Emilio’s self-aggrandizing print is inscrutable (and needs an explanation). Emilio, meanwhile, worships himself. Which is nothing new.
Then, Tim arrives for his cliché-around.
With Mila, Tim observes that the long dress she’s creating reads “evening,” but she’s thinking she’ll make it more of a daytime sundress by attaching some colorful Silly String to the neck.
Tim seems to like Jonathan’s subtle, pale garment and only expresses concern with the proportions of the outfit.
Off to Emilio. Tim is flummoxed by the ambiguous letters on the pattern, even going so far as thinking the “SAES” in the pattern is some kind of homage to Seth Aaron and Emilio Sosa. Plus, Tim says that, save for the complex pattern, his design is very simple.
Convinced of his own brilliance, E-Dawg argues that it’s “classic,” not “simple” and aggressively declares he doesn’t give a crap what Tim thinks. (At this stage, I start to wonder if Emilio’s dad was a tugboat captain and if he’ll soon be arrested for throwing cats at his boyfriends.)
Seth Aaron then shows off his tiled, pop-art pattern. Tim loves what the designer has made so far, but wonders how he’s going to incorporate the large-squared print into the look.
Maya, meanwhile, has created a stunning, electric-orange-lines-over-black design which she’s using as the side panels of her outfit. She tells Tim she’s not a print person, which he finds hard to believe, what with the grand print. But she explains she’d rather use solids to create structural dimension on her dress. He leaves her to “carry on.”
Over in Miss Anthony’s world, Motormouth Mabel is having trouble with separates. ... And I don’t give a shit.
And since we don’t see Tim checking in with Jay, we can be sure he’ll be the safe one in the middle this week, since whatever he did is of no consequence (even if it’s actually really remarkable).
The models come in for their fittings. Maya again mentions that she’s consistently delivered, but has never been given the win. And Emilio pisses all over Mila’s rainbow teepee of a dress.
Mila insists that Anthony is “a joy” to have around, but questions his taste. And the “joy” begins to babble again for another ten minutes ... while I start hunting around for the scotch.
The next thing we know, it’s the morning of the runway challenge and the boys and girls are preparing for their day of reckoning. Anthony spouts off about how Jay looks like a Christmas ornament and I polish off the scotch and have to move onto the Xanax and gin to get through listening to more from this darling, darling man.
Back in the workroom, Mila hands us a line of B.S. about her horrific outfit. Jay is given a moment to speak. (Hi, Jay!) And Tim arrives for his weekly plugs for Suave™, Cover Girl™ and ruelala.com.
Anthony gets all Anthony about Jonathan’s pale self as my liver begins to quickly deteriorate while I lie here among the rubble that was once my living room.
And after a quick infomercial and the obligatory Emilio chest-beating, we’re on the runway.
There, Heidi appears to show everyone the proper way to wear a bicycle chain and to introduce the judges. To switch things up, Michael and Nina have rocked the world by switching to “Hey, guys” (from his trademark “Hi, guys”) and “Hi, everyone” (from her patented “Hello, everyone”). Oh, and we also have back the accented designer lady as a seat-filler.
On with the show!
- Seth Aaron has made a stunning, tailored pop-punk suit, with his bold print used on the bias of the jacket, a yellow tie and a pair of pants which have a you’ll-love-it-or-hate-it stripe that curves down from hip to heel.
- Jonathan’s pale look is next. Personally, I rather like it. The print is a very subtle grey with drips of color, and when the model unties and shrugs off the backwards-fitting jacket, she reveals what, to my eyes, is a rather lovely cocktail dress with a sheer gray top.
- Maya calls her dress “very electric.” And I am just breathless as it arrives. The side panels are, indeed, her electric print. But the middle portion, the part with which she struggled, is equally remarkable, a sculpted, dark solid, going to a high, Frank Gehry-ish collar. If this doesn’t win, I figure, there is no justice.
- Then comes Emilo’s Ain’t I The Greatest? gown and jacket. He intended to have it look Paris 1940s, and it does. Only with his egomaniacal-yet-unreadable stamp all over it. Feh.
- Mila’s look is next. Oh dear. I thought it would be bad, but nothing like this. She’s made a white, stiff teepee (there really is no other word) with the exceedingly basic pattern comprising the lower left third of the dress. It looks just awful and the model has to grab the tough fabric up off the floor to be able to walk in the damn thing.
- Anthony’s dress comes out. It’s just about the most boring thing I’ve see on this show for weeks and merits no comment. Oh, and it has a shrug. Of sorts.
- Finally, it’s now-you-see-him, now-you-don’t Jay. Wow. That’s a serious look. The print is a vivid green-and-black design and he’s worked it into a rockin’ jacket and top over black pants. If it wasn’t completely telegraphed in the edit that he was the safe one in the middle this week, I’d say it was a serious candidate for the win.
Come the judging, as predicted, Jay is safe and is sent off. Which leaves me wondering which ones are the three best and the three worst.
Quickly, (some of) my worst fears are realized, as the judges cream all over Emilio’s outfit, particularly enthusing over the shit that was his pattern.
Thankfully, they do say how much they love Maya’s dress and how even the pattern conveyed movement. And they do see how gawdawful Mila’s is. And how utterly unimpressive Miss Anthony’s is as well.
But when they get to Jonathan’s, the judges fire with both barrels. “A dirty tablecloth,” Michael calls the pattern. Kors even pulls out his go-to put-down, calling the reverse jacket “a disco straitjacket.” (He does love to call anything with shine “disco,” doesn’t he?)
To his credit, Jonathan (and his model) proudly defend the design, but the judges are positively merciless in a way I can’t say I’ve seen before. (At least not with such vigor. At least not on something I thought was actually quite nice.)
After the deliberations, Emilio is deemed the winner. And I vomit up all the distilled beverages and prescription medications I’ve ingested over the past 45 minutes. (Damn. More to clean up.)
Maya, thusly robbed again, is sent off to safety. And so is Seth Aaron.
And … Mila is safe. (Whaaaa? Hold on. I keep forgetting. You don’t get penalized for taking a risk and failing, but do lose for being boring and uncreative. … Unless your name is Emilio Sosa.)
Which means that between Jonathan and Anthony …. Anthony is out.
As everyone weeps to see their “funny” friend go, I weep with joy. My long Nightmare of the Sassypants is over.*
Next time on Project Runway: The designers will have to design for a demanding celebrity. And Tim arrives with a stunning bit of bad news.
(* The fine folks at Lifetime have more than spoiled what this stunning bit of news is and I’m preparing for next week by buying out the corner liquor store and CVS. You do the math.)
Project Runway: Season Seven
Episode: These Are The Dresses In Your Neighborhood. In Your Neighborhood.
March 17, 2010
Previously on Project Runway: In a challenge brought to you by the Suave™ line of hair products, the designers were tasked with making hairy dresses that were either earthy, windy, fiery or watery. In the end, they all made dresses that were black-y and gray-y. Jonathan won for dressing his model in fits of giggles. Amy delivered a cauldron of coiffure, which went over like a Maine Coon in a BabyBjörn. But after the judges found the jock strap pants on Ben's Great White suit to be all wet, he was thrown back.
Morning. Wakey wakey. Amy reminds us she was in the bottom three last time and says she needs to “step it up.”
Drink! (Though it’s awfully early for that. I’ll have a mimosa, thank you.)
Mila fondles her ‘do and promises to redeem herself after her misstep last time. And Maya is miffed that she’s the only one left who’s never won a challenge, despite nearly always being in the top bunch.
On the runway, Heidi The Basketball Smuggler arrives for the model pick (seen on last week’s Models show) which results in nothing that anyone really cares about. She mutters something about a raven and a writing desk and everyone stands around looking puzzled and searching for a dormouse to explain things.
Eventually, they’re back in the “designers' lounge” where Tim is waiting alongside this week’s spokesmodel. Yes, folks, if you didn’t get enough product placement (or rather, product forcibly shoved into your eye sockets) last time, it’s time for another infomercial challenge! This week, it’s brought to you by a man who has trouble covering his acne scars and the fine folks at Merle Norman™! (Or maybe it’s Maybelline™.)
And what better way to showcase makeup than showcasing the neighborhoods of New York City! Yes, the designers will be creating looks based on four iconic Manhattan neighborhoods, the East Village, the Upper East Side, Harlem and Chinatown.
Emilio, who will be reminding us every few seconds that he’s vaguely from New York, begins his smack-talk early telling us he needs to win this one, not only for himself, but for his “people.” (I believe they are the People Of The Speech Impediments.)
Wait! Four neighborhoods?
Yes. And you know what that means, kiddies! They’re working in teams of two!
Cue the gong.
Emilio sacrifices a goat in hopes that he’s not paired with Mila. Everyone hates her.
Dick.
Tim explains that each team will create two looks, one for daytime and one for evening. And he will be picking the team leaders from the Crown Royal Velvet Bag Of Fate.
The team leaders are … Anthony, Amy, Emilio and Jay. Jay, seeing that he’ll be last to pick knows he’ll be stuck with the partner no one else wants. (Everyone look discreetly at Mila and cough.)
- Anthony picks … Maya. (They shall be Team My Pastor Went Bang!)
- Amy picks … Jonathan. (They shall be Team Short-N-Sassy.)
- Emilio picks … Mila. Psyche! He picks Seth Aaron. Or rather, Seth Aaaaaron! (Read: Suck it, Mila! Suck it hard!) (They shall be Team DesIGNXS.)
- Leaving Jay with … Mila. (They shall be Team Just Shut Up And Work.)
Naturally, Emilio is gleeful that he’s saddled Jay with Mila, just knowing that his marvelous strategy will knock them out of the competition. Emilio thinks he’s on Survivor. (And I’d like to make him eat a bug.)
For their part, neither Jay nor Mila seems particularly enthused to be working together. Jay actually stops breathing for a while. (I feel he must do this often, since a lack of oxygen to the brain may explain those shorts.)
Then, in reverse order, the teams pick their neighborhoods.
- Jay and Mila pick the East Village.
- Emilio and Seth Aaron pick Harlem.
- Amy and Jonathan pick the Upper East Side.
- Leaving Anthony and Maya with Chinatown.
And now it’s time for a pitch from Avon™ Cosmetics!! Did you know that these fine products can …
Blip. Blip. Blip.
“… lift and revitalize …”
Blip. Blip. Blip.
“… youthful glow …”
Blip. Blip. Blip.
“… ground-up whale penis …”
Blip. Blip. Blip.
Wait. Back up. I think I may have missed something. Anyhoo …
It’s time for the designers to head off to their neighborhoods!
First up, Emilio Marshmellowmouth and Seth Aaron in Harlem. E-Dog reminds us again that he’s lived here once for about five minutes and is, thus, the preeminent expert on the city and neighborhood. He points out that the neighborhood is all about places that promote superstition, alcoholism and high cholesterol. (Damn. And I thought he liked the place!)
He also points out that here, unlike anyplace else on earth, people wear denim.
They also find a lovely, colorful mural paying tribute to the neighborhood’s rich history during the jazz age. These concepts will be at the heart of their designs.
Over in Chinatown, Anthony and Maya take note of that neighborhood’s architecture and the fact that everything is very colorful with so many shades of red everywhere. This, of course, will lead them to make outfits that are black and gray. (Which would be no surprise to anyone who saw Anthony's black and gray take on "fire" last week.)
Anthony, who’s never been to Chinatown, seen pictures of Chinatown or rented Chinatown on DVD, is stunned to see ducks (or as he calls them, “pigs" .. with wings) hanging in the windows. Maya humors him.
Over on the Upper East Side, Jonathan and Amy are also marveling at the architecture there. Mostly because there are no people on the streets. Amy tells us that, in an attempt to be true to the people of the neighborhood, she’ll be making a shirt dress. And for the evening look, Jonathan will make something using his go-to make-your-own-textile trick to mimic the look of wrought iron.
Because it’s really hard to interpret Botox and Restylane with fabric.
Then, it’s time to check in with Jay and Mila. Since we’ve been fed this whole “they hate each other!” storyline, we’re expecting to see them constantly attacking each other with knitting needles and flat-irons. Instead, we get a clumsily edited montage of Jay brainstorming and Mila saying he’s “scattered.” Dra-ma!
They point at graffiti and sketch. (Wow. We haven't seen this kind of rivalry since Joan Crawford and Bette Davis.)
Then, it’s off to Mood! The teams have to work together to pick their fabrics. They disagree! Oh nooooo!
Time!
Back in the workroom, Tim notes that there are actually fewer people left in the competition than there were weeks ago and the designers start working.
Jay explains that he’ll be crafting some funky un-Mila-ish pants for his day look. Emilio explains he’ll be making an evening look inspired by the 1984 Francis Ford Coppola bomb, The Cotton Club.
Anthony and Maya discuss their control issues. And Amy and Jonathan work on their plans to make the two most complicated dresses possible to insure they don’t finish anything on time.
After the break, we get more from The Struggles Of Miss Anthony as our Southern Belle clashes with My Way Maya over how to make a Chinese dragon trail across a dress. Emilio makes it sound like Seth Aaron’s ability to design, create and sew quickly is actually a drawback. And Jay and Mila continue to not reenact the greatest hits of Crystal and Alexis on Dynasty.
As Jonathan and Amy work to incorporate another 17 design elements to their outfits, Tim arrives with his “special” guest to “treat” the designers to a trip out to a time share, a consultation with the makeup experts from 2True™ and Miss Sporty™ Cosmetics and a complimentary Sham-Wow.
Once that shit’s over, Tim’s checking in with Emilio who is informing us that he’s lived in New York and had actually set foot in Harlem before. He explains that Seth Aaron is working on a denim look and he’s doing an evening Billie Holiday-inspired look. (I believe that would be the original use of “heroin chic.”)
Moving to Team Chinatown In Black And Brown, Maya explains the paper dragons concept. She shows off the fabric palette they will be using, but leaves out a striped fabric she had earlier rejected. Tim loves that fabric and suggests they make that the focal point of their evening look. Wisely, they take his advice.
Tim then looks in on Jay and Mila. Picking themselves up off the ground where they have been hurling haymakers at each other, the two discuss their dual rock-n-roll looks. Jay’s will feature a pair of strange pants with a striped top. Mila’s will feature another Mila™ jacket. Neither one knows what their necklines will look like. Awkward silence. Tim bids adieu.
And they go back to their fisticuffs.
Lastly, Tim arrives at The Complex World Of Amy & Jonathan. The designers explain how they will be incorporating a series of cranes and pulleys into their looks as an homage to the Rube Goldberg device. Amy is looking for a way to throw in some Origami while Jonathan is planning on finding space on his look for either a stained glass feature or a Faberge egg. Tim wonders if the outfits may end up looking “over-designed.”
Exit Tim.
Anthony goes back to referring to himself in the third person, so as I can remember how much he grates on my last nerve. Emilio struggles to be as speedy as his partner. And the stick figures arrive for their fittings.
Cut. Cut. Cut. Stitch. Stitch. Stitch.
Jay and Mila struggle to finish on time.
Cut to Emilo cackling.
What. What. What. A. Bitch. Bitch. Bitch.
“I really am a nice guy when you get to know me.”
Much like Heather Mills, I’m sure.
Meanwhile, everyone freaks out about how the clocks are running fast and how they’re not going to be able to …
Bzzzzzz! Time!
In the morning, the designers are completely exhausted and upset that they’ll not be able to finish on time. And it’s back to the workroom!
After a few rounds of the "I'll never finish!" mantra, Tim pops in for his contractually obligated sales pitch, one even he seems to feel is tired at this stage.
In come the two-legged clothes hangers, and it’s time for ... Trash Talking With Designers!
Up first, Mila to extols the virtues of her look while pointing out that the top on Jay’s looks like crap. Next, Emilio reliably throws shade in Amy and Jonathan’s general direction, predicting “bloodshed.” And Jay predicts that Mila will “throw (him) under the bus.”
DING! DING! DING! We have achieved “under the bus!” Bingo cards down! If you had “Episode Seven” and “Jay” for “under the bus” come down and pick up your very own Camila Alves designer handbag, custom embroidered with her catchphrase, “Wememah stallis, hawr is impowtan.”
A quick run through the Ultra Clutch™ Hair Products plug-o-rama and … time!
On the runway, Heidi (now, amazingly, working two concurrent pregnancies) arrives to recap the challenge and introduce a new wrinkle. In a twist worthy of the island on Lost, we have managed to travel back in time to Season Six and have Nina but no Michael. (And Nina can’t “Hello, everyone” without Michael’s “Hey, guys.” It’s in her contract.) Plus, we also get the side benefit of two random guest/replacement judges!
Now, where’s that H-bomb when you need it? We need to go back!
Now, let’s start the show.
- First, it’s Maya’s not-Chinatown Chinatown inspired evening look. It’s nice enough. I like it better when it’s explained that the shape of the fabric on the lower half of the striped jacket is reminiscent of a pagoda. And the little cutaways on the short skirt have a hint of red poking though which at least gives us a taste of color.
- Anthony’s Chinatown day look is another thing. It’s black with this paper Chinese dragon-esque detail crawling diagonally across it. I’m sure many will love it. But, to me, it looks like a malignant growth and it literally gives me a bad physical reaction. (Really. It’s a thing with me. For some people it’s snakes. Others, rats. Me, it’s “growths” and “infections.”)
- Next, it’s a trip to the East Village. Jay’s day look is first. The model has those funky pants he’s discussed. They look curious, novel and appropriate to the challenge. The top, though, is a basic tank top in a black and red CBGB’s striped pattern. The problem is a.) the top is horribly basic and, b.) it’s horribly made, giving the model a case of lopsided boob displacia.
- Mila’s evening look is much, much better. It’s exceedingly Mila, featuring a very sporty, black-and-white graphic jacket over a black mini skirt and red leggings. I actually love it. How “evening” it is could be debated, but it certainly does suggest East Village. But don’t even get me started on the model's"rock-n-roll" hand gestures (which Heidi thinks are peace signs).
- Then, we get a look at the (purported) Upper East Side. Amy’s day look is first. I really don’t know what to make of it. It’s a peachy, pleated shirt dress of sorts over black leggings. It makes me sad.
- Jonathan’s look isn’t much better. It’s a decent idea of an evening dress with detail work suggesting wrought iron work. But it seems not only unfinished and messy but more complicated than the credit default swaps invented by the neighborhood’s denizens.
- Lastly, it’s a jaunt up to Harlem. First out is Seth Aaron’s day look. It is stunning. A denim outfit which almost looks like a body suit. It features the designer’s trademark detail work, with zippers, cuffs, a high collar and subtle gold stitching details. And it’s all topped off with a funky, plaid tam (of sorts), a colorful print poking out from under the jacket and a yellow purse. Fantabulous.
- Emilio’s evening look is also grand, though not quite as exciting. It’s a long, black evening gown with that same gold stitching (nice touch) and a slit up to there. It does seem very Harlem Nights. And if you added a flower behind the ear and a tourniquet, it would scream Billie Holiday.
Once the show’s over, Heidi calls out the bottom two teams. They are … Jonathan and Amy ... and Mila and Jay. Ouch.
This leaves Seth Aaron and Emilio and Anthony and Maya as the top two teams. (Personally, I’m surprised and would have swapped Anthony/Maya for Jay/Mila.)
The questioning goes pretty much as expected. Everyone loves Seth Aaron and Emilio’s looks, though Nina criticizes Seth Aaron’s look for having a few too many details. As for Anthony and Maya, we get more of Anthony’s “comedy” than we get "explanation of design.” But they do get to point out the subtle pagoda and less-subtle paper dragon features. (Plus the judges get to point to the marvelous Bonne Bell™ makeup on the models!)
They top and bottom designers swap out and the lower-ranking teams are quizzed next. Amy explains her team’s concepts, but that only lets us look more closely at them. And that’s not a good thing. Amy’s, look, Heidi calls an “eyesore.” And while Jonathan’s is better received, it’s slammed for its 101st decorative feature.
But at least the designers reported working well together.
As for Mila and Jay, though … the question of how well they worked together was met with an awkward silence worthy of a Palin-Johnston custody exchange.
Jay (still dressed like he’s ready for a tennis match to break out at any moment) explains the two looks and all the criticism centers around Jay’s ill-fitting tank top. Mila’s outfit actually gets praised, despite her being on a lower-ranked team.
After the deliberations (where Nina gets to say Amy’s outfit looked like an “umbrELLA” ... ella, ella, ella) the designers are called back.
Emilio is … the winner. (Whatever.)
And Seth Aaron is … also the winner. (Yay!)
Yes, it’s the first time we have dual winners. Which doesn’t matter, since no one’s winning immunity. But bully for them anyway.
The winning pair leave the runway delivering low fives (which the non-winners don’t seem particularly thrilled to give).
Anthony and Maya are sent to safety. And so are Jonathan and Mila.
Which leaves Amy and Jay, two losers from two different teams, as the bottom two.
After the requisite shaming, Amy … is out.
Oh, boo. (Not that I didn’t expect it after the past few weeks.) Well, at least she did make a stellar (dummy) collection for Fashion Week. It’s just a shame it won’t be seen on TV.
Jonathan totally breaks down to see Amy go. And, classy girl that she is, she heads off with her head held high.
And she doesn’t do that “this won’t be the last you hear of me” bit, either.
Next time on Project Runway: Doing something every fashion designer dreams about but seldom realizes. Looks of fear! Anthony trots out the Members Only jacket again. And Michael again calls something else a “disco” something!
Project Runway: Season Seven
Episode: Bah-Doo-Yah, Say Do You Remember? Bah-Doo-Yah, Sewing In September?
March 11, 2010
Previously on Project Runway: The remaining designers were shuttled to a very expensive hardware store and told to make outfits using only items purchased there. Jay broke the Curse Of The Daniel Franco and actually made an amazing outfit out of garbage bags. Emilio managed to be safe, despite dressing his model in two strings and a handful of washers. And Poor Jesse was sent back to troll the Barbary Coast after making a metal dress which looked like an air filter.
Morning. Atlas Apartments. We’re led to believe that Anthony (The Preacher’s Daughter) actually sleeps in his clothes. And Emilio (The Mouth That Sewed) is still smarting from his “spanking” last week. He promises that he’ll never set foot in another hardware store, since that’s was responsible for him making crap and not his aggressive lack of imagination.
Over in the under-populated ladies’ suite, TweedleBang and TweedleBob are feeling wistful about their departed colleagues. Mila (Cliffieland’s 2010 Nominee For A Nexxus Salon Shear Genius Makeover So She Doesn’t Look Like She’s 10 Years Older Than She Really Is) consoles Maya (a/k/a Mia “Don't you just love it when you come back from the bathroom and find your food waiting for you?” Wallace) whom she calls an “old soul.”
After Maya tells her a Fox Force Five joke, we head back to the boys’ room where a bunch of gay guys are discussing WonderBras. For some reason, they seem to think it’s meant to hold up your viscera. And when Ben (The Incredible Sulk) starts talking (about anything) we start to hear the music of doom in our heads.
Then, it’s off to the runway.
There, Heidi Suleman arrives, oversees (on the Models show) the departure of another walking hanger who thought there’s a “strategy” to winning this “game,” and issues another cryptic pronouncement, this time directing everyone to the roof of their apartment building for some kind of “natural” challenge.
Everyone speculates on what that could mean. And a moment later, we’re there where Tim presents his writs and reveals that it’s time for this season’s Ultra-Infomercial Challenge! And here to plug away is Phillip Carrion, lead spokesperson for Gee, Your Hair Smells Terrific Shampoo & Conditioner™!
After we sit through the obligatory extolling of the product and timeshare pitch, Tim explains that the designers will be making outfits inspired by one of the 118 elements from the periodic table. (I’m really excited to see what Mila can do with Plutonium!)
But, since Mood is running low on noble gasses this week, we’re cutting the list down to the Buddhist Five: Earth, Wind, Fire, Water and Philip Bailey.
Earth, Wind & Fire - "September" 
Since Jay (Queen Liliuokalani Of The Community College) won the challenge (and immunity) last time, he gets to pick first. Once that’s over, the rest follow.
- Jonathan (Making Clothes Out Of Nothing At All) picks Air. (Air Supply - "Making Love Out Of Nothing At All" )
- Anthony picks Fire. (Insert totally obvious “flaming” joke here.)
- Amy (The Early Leader Who Burns Out) picks Fire.
- Which, aptly, leaves Seth Aaron with Aircut 100. (Haircut 100 - The Very Best of Nick Heyward & Haircut 100 )
They all head back to the workroom to sketch. Ben, who had his pick of all of the elements, thinks the water concept is “too fluid.” So, he’s going with a shark concept. (Cue John Williams’ Jaws score. [John Williams - Main Theme (From "Jaws") ])
Emilio is making an earth-inspired strapless dress to compliment his biracial model’s lovely skin tone. Anthony informs us that “failure is not an option.” (Everyone drink!) And Maya tells us that she’s being inspired by Sirens, better known as the Whores Of The Deep.
Jonathan (who, by virtue of the fact is seen speaking for once, is either in the top or the bottom this week) is planning on draping his model in yuks and giggles. Because laughter is the best material.
And it’s off to Mood!
There, Jay (who otherwise will not be seen this week) tells us he’s planning on turning his model into a pouty tornado.
And Anthony reveals that his concept of “fire” is not red, but rather grey, charred and very depressing. It should go without saying that this again involves a story about his family, a preacher and a church.
Once back at the workroom, Seth Aaron has found a way to sidestep the “air” concept (which, to him signifies blue balloons) by focusing on the night sky in the city instead.
Amy, one of several designers this week forced at gunpoint to use those craptastic PC tablets for their sketching, explains the unexplainable. Her concept for “fire” is to create a container, inside which there will be an explosion. I believe she may be sewing The Hurt Locker.
As they sew, everyone is very quiet, even Motormouth Mabel The Missionary. Ben and Jonathan reflect on their perpetual status as this season’s wallpaper (ie. seen, but never noticed). All that’s missing now are John Madden-esque lines being drawn on the screen indicating that this guy will be in the top three this week and this guy will be in the bottom.
A few stitches later, Tim drags in The Carrion, so the gang can go be distracted by another pitch for Psssssst The Instant Spray Shampoo™ and the fine products of Body On Tap™.
Blip-blip-blip. (The sound of fast-forwarding.)
Tim returns for his “talk to me”s.
First check in: Jonathan. Tim’s impressed that Jonathan’s creating his own textile.
Next: Seth Aaron. Tim’s impressed that the New York At Night black leather outfit is true to the designer.
Over to Amy. She barely has anything to show and can only really discuss her sewing-a-“bowl”-around-the-model concept to the mentor. She reveals that she’s let the sponsor feed her the cockamamie idea of filling said “bowl” with hair. (Because it’s the sponsor who’s likely to be sent packing if the concept fails.) Tim thinks the concept is interesting.
Ben. Tim is worried that Ben’s subtleties aren’t being picked up. But he thinks that, considering the shark concept, Ben’s let’s-make-our-first-suit-in-front-of-a-national-audience is what’s required.
Mila. It seems that The Severe One has taken “earth” to mean “minerals.” And she’s made a short jacket which, on its own, looks like a wearable sulfide deposit. She’s also planning on pairing it with something which will be daringly drab. Tim advises her to be “mindful” and “harmonious.”
Over to Maya and her sea slut concept. Tim has “every confidence.”
Gunn … out.
The models arrive. The fittings commence. And the designers get their first opportunity to talk smack about the competition and discuss Ben’s model’s crotch.
Discussing his use of black for “fire,” Anthony informs us that we actually have a black president now. Which is apropos of nothing. Which is apropos of Anthony.
While he sews, Mila makes a wrong guess about which element he’s interpreting. Which makes Anthony all frowny, since black and gray always conveys fire.
“Oh, I get it now,” says Mila, totally unconvincingly.
As time runs out, everyone is totally freaked out that they’re all terribly behind and may not get time to finish.
The day ends and it’s back to the apartments for …
Uh, oh. Ben’s been handed the Crappy Smartphone Of Doom. Much like a last meal to a death row prisoner, Ben is granted his last wish, to speak to his newlywed husband. And while it’s very touching and very sweet, it also completely obviates the need to watch to the end of the hour.
But we’ll pretend that doesn’t matter.
The next morning, the boys nap in their clothes, the ladies work the flatirons and it’s back to work!
As was mentioned before, everyone is way behind on their work, particularly Ben. But Jay, who actually finished early, wins the Sportsmanship Award for actually pitching in and helping Ben finish his garment. (Has that ever happened on this show before?)
Tim pitches more product, the models arrive, we get the fitting flurry and … smacktime!
Anthony doesn’t think Seth Aaron’s garment is pretty. Jonathan is concerned about Amy’s bowl engineering. Amy’s worried about her bowl. And Anthony wonders why the Petite Persian has chosen give her model hairy tits.
Anthony is singularly capable of amusing himself.
Time!
On the runway The Hardest Working Uterus In Showbiz recaps the challenge and introduces judges “Hey, Guys,” “Hello, Everyone” and guest judge Roland “Does This ‘Stache Make It Look Like I Drive A Windowless Van Near Playgrounds?” Mouret.
On with the show!
- Maya’s Slutty Of The Sea look is actually quite nice. And the entire look does say “water.” Particularly since the model’s hair looks like she’s dropped a bucket of Eau Commerciaux over her head.
- Next is Jay’s Tornado. The second the model appears, I start humming, “Ga-ga, ooh, la-la! Ga-ga, la, ooh, la-la!” It’s lovely. It’s equal parts tornado and hot fudge sundae. (Lady Gaga - "Bad Romance" )
- Then, Ben’s model turns the corner. Oh, dear. It’s shark-ish. Pants, a top and a jacket. And they all look really, really sad. I wonder what could possibly happen next.
- Anthony, naturally, whoops over his burnt offerings. The dress is not wholly unappealing (as is the designer). But I refuse to buy charred remains as “fire.” And I don’t really see how calling your model a Clydesdale is a compliment. I mean, ask Sarah Jessica Parker how she feels about that.
- Mila. She’s made a grey pantsuKlkdvlk;ads;oiasl;kn ... Oh, sorry I dozed off.
- Jonathan’s airy laughter dress doesn’t impress me at first. The shape, with its asymmetrical neck piece, throws me. But on closer inspection, I can see how creating his own patterned textile is actually impressive and how, in the room, it’s probably quite remarkable. Even if it doesn’t read on camera from far away.
- Next, Amy’s Madelyn Ahurry O’Hair. No. No. No. “Bad Romance” floats through my head again. But I don’t think even The Lady Ga would fill her cleavage with coiffure.
- Emilio’s made his model look like a lovely spinach salad.
- Finally, it’s time for Seth Aaron’s look. It takes my breath away. Studded black leather, with big swooshes of fabric about the back and neck. Love, love, love this. If it wasn’t for the fact that he got no attention in interviews this week, I’d think he’s a lock for the win.
Once the show’s over, Heidi sends away the middle-of-the-pack designers: Anthony, Emilio and Jay. (Rats. I was so hoping two of those three would be leaving sooner rather than later.)
It’s more than obvious then that the tops are Seth Aaron and Jonathan (with Maya winning the bronze). And the bottoms are Ben, Amy and Mila.
On questioning, Mila gets raked over the coals of her anthracite look for having run out of tricks. Folks liked her vest, but the rest of the look was impossibly dull and makes it hard for folks to stay up for the Models show.
Seth Aaron explains his concept and everyone finds the outfit “astonishing” and they predict that big designers will be stealing his metallic-fabric-masquerading-as-boots concept soon. … Congrats?
The judges like Maya’s Seawhores look, but Nina thinks the designer’s work is too “referential,” in this case hearkening back to Nina Ricci’s Designs For Sexy Mermaids ’08.
Then, Poor Amy has to defend her Olympic Cauldron Of Curls. Heidi calls it a “cat in a a baby sling.” Michael says it looks like the model’s a barmaid serving her hair. And Nina says she looks like she’s growing hair out of her chest. … And all of this is brought to you by the fine folks at Garnier Fructis Natural.
Garnier Fructis Natural. For when you want to look like a high-fashion yak.
Ben then has to defend his Great White Mess. This is when Michael finally gets the concept. Which only makes things worse, since he points up that the designer sewed sharks teeth onto the jacket’s cuffs and made the model’s hair shaped like a fish. … Which all leaves precious little time to discuss how the pants looked like they had a jock strap sewn into them. “It’s bizzah,” says Heidi.
Lastly, Jonathan gets quizzed. We get that close-up look at the garment and it really does look amazing. The judges (and the model) ooh and aah over the designer’s consideration of the model’s pale skin tone into the design.
The designers leave for the deliberations. Normally, nothing particularly new is said there, but Michael nails it when he describes Mila’s look like something designed for a mall walk. (Though, it does sound like he said “ball walk” on second listen. Which is fitting for Michael, I suppose.)
The designers are brought back out.
Seth Aaron is in. (Awww. Well, I knew he wouldn’t win. Even though he should have.)
Jonathan is … the winner. (Yay!)
Maya is safe. She heads off to drink a milk shake with Vincent Vega.
Mila is safe. She heads off in search of Heavy Hands for that power push past the Wicks N’ Sticks.
Leaving Amy and Ben.
Is there any question?
Bye bye, Ben.
Ben heads off to the sad, familiar strains of “This isn’t the last you’ll hear of me.”
(Incidentally, if you saw the ten final collections which were shown on the runway -- three finalists and seven dummy collections -- Ben had one of the strongest ones and, unlike so many others, I’m really looking forward to seeing what’s in store for him in the future.)
Next time on Project Runway: Into the city! Teams of two! An eyesore! And an umbrella-ella-ella.
March 9, 2010
In the last Project Runway post, I mentioned that Jesse's final metallic outfit looked a good bit like an outfit I wore for my Latin pageant way (way, way) back in junior high school. I also mentioned that I actually still have the helmet from that gladiator costume.
So, you know that that was my not-so-subtle way of asking for someone to ask to see it. And when someone actually did ...
Well, here it is!
I'd like to thank the late Mrs. Machado for her mad skills on the sewing machine (and for making me learn all the conjugations of amo, amas, amat, amamus, etc.).
But I still don't know where all the tunics and togas ended up, since they clearly got separarated form the hat.
Project Runway: Season Seven
Episode: Washer Wear
March 4, 2010
Previously on Project Runway: All sorts of people from countries where it snows gathered in the one place in Canada where it doesn’t ever snow, for a few days of frozen slip-n-slide. Janeane was eliminated after the final ice dancing competition. And Seth Aaron won immunity for his performance in the two-model luge. (I may have missed a detail in there somewhere.)
Morning. The boys rejoice in their successes, seeing as the women have been decimated. Jay (“Who Wears Short Shorts? We Wear Short Shorts!”) shows that he’s mastered the art of subtraction and runs off to don his ridiculous leather fringe vest.
Over at the ever-shrinking Team Gyno, things aren’t quite so festive as they’re reduced to somber rituals involving flatirons and French presses.
Off to the runway! There (on the unseen Models show), some other model no one cares about was eliminated, which saved this anonymous chickie from having to hear more whining about who’s not taking out the trash back at the suite.
Heidi The Fertile Crescent makes her vague proclamation about the next challenge and sends the designers off to meet Tim and “one of America’s favorite designers.”
Shocked. Shocked we are when we see that they’re meeting Tim at ... Michael Kors’ SoHo store. There, the designer with the world’s most disturbing “outie” (If you haven’t seen the picture, don’t click. Really. It’ll scar you for life.) informs them that this is the long-awaited “unconventional materials” challenge! (Yay!) He tells them that they’ll have to “push the envelope” and “think outside the box” because it’s time that they “step up to the plate” and “bring something new to the table” so they can “raise their game” and not be “pitchy, dawg.”
So it’s off to … a hardware store!
Oooo!
Amy (“The Farsi Fashonista”) is excited at this prospect, presumably because her lower lip has hardware experience. Emilio (best known for his work as Fat Albert’s friend, Mushmouth) is not thrilled, as he only makes glamorous evening gowns and can’t be bothered to do something “crafty.”
Now, not only will they have to be making their outfits from materials purchased at the hardware store, but they’ll also have to make “a fabulous accessory” to go with their look. (I’m hoping this has a major effect on their thoughtful use of the ruelala.com accessory wall.)
The designers get $150 and 35 minutes to spend it in the store. They immediately grimace at that prospect, since hardware is apparently a lot more expensive that fabric. (Like I would know.)
Maya (“La Femme Nikita”) is excited about the challenge, since she’s worked with unusual objects before. (Presumably, these would include lipstick cases that double as switchblades, poison-filled pendants and suspenders which double as grappling devices.)
While most of the designers grab things that can, in bulk, cover a human body, Wrong Way Emilio decides to “go the other route” by buying washers and cording instead. Once at the register, he realizes he’s gone way over budget and is left with very little cording and very few washers. (Remember, last time he “went the other way” by purposely being a non-imaginative as he could be. And yet, he remains.)
Jay, meanwhile, is busy buying garbage bags, daring to laugh in the face of the Curse Of The Daniel Franco. We’ll see how that goes.
And, in an attempt to present a model completely free of epidermis, Amy snags a bunch of sandpaper for her outfit.
Time!
Back in the workroom, Tim arrives to tell the designers how much time they’ll have and to toss off some contractually obligated catch phrases.
With that, the workroom goes Bang Bang Bang Bang.
Dead Or Alive - “My Heart Goes Bang (Get Me To The Doctor)”
Jay explains that his master plan with the garbage bags is to try to make an outfit that looks like leather. Plus, unlike everyone else, he’s making pants instead of a dress. (OK, this one is talented AND smart.)
Seth Aaron (“Not In This Episode”) goes Bang Bang Bang Bang.
Jesse (“The Cute One With The Ninth-Grader’s Mustache”) says he’s hoping someone else screws up more than he’s expecting to screw up.
Bang Bang Bang Bang.
Maya’s making a necklace out of keys.
Bang Bang Bang Bang.
Anthony (“The Supposedly Fashionable One Who Wears Uncle Junior’s Members Only Jacket”) will be trying to make something hard look soft. (Insert dirty joke here about how unappealing I find this guy.)
Bang Bang Bang Bang.
Jonathan (“The One With The ‘Terrorist Scarf’”) admits he’s clueless and bonds with Amy over copper.
Bang Bang Bang Bang.
Emilio pooh-poohs everyone else’s tired “give the models something to wear” concept and tells us that he’s instead going for a Paco Rabanne approach by having his model walk the runway wearing only cologne.
As the day proceeds, Emilio is “fustrated” by his attempt to fashion a macrame plant holder into a Day-Glo stripper outfit. And Mila (“You're wrong when it's right.
It's black and it's white.”) reveals that she’s stretching yet again by creating a mod color-blocked outfit. Only this one’s made out of black and white paint tray liners.
Katy Perry - Hot N Cold
Bang Bang Bang Bang.
Jesse wrestles with his “fabric,” which he’s discovered is actually a bolt of sticky tape. And Jay tells us that it has been his lifelong dream to break the Curse of the Franco. And he sobs over ... having to endure having older siblings?
Bang Bang Bang Bang.
Next, it’s time for Tim’s CatchphraseRoutlette!
First up, Mila. He’s intrigued by her dress. And moreso by her accessory, a set of paint can labels which she’ll be fashioning into cuffs.
Next, it’s Jesse’s turn. He’s making an “Elizabethan mini” which looks like an elementary school play costume made out of copper flashing. His accessory will be ... a hairpiece.
Emilio feeds Tim a load of bullcrap to cover up the fact that he’s basically preparing to send down the runway a naked model wearing a metal mobile. He says it may end up being a bikini. His accessory is … nothing.
Tim’s concerned that whatever mess Anthony’s making is “not pretty.” So, Mr. Sassypants decides to scrap his metal and start over.
Once at Jay’s station, Tim is amazed. He’s particularly stunned that Jay has managed to turn the clichéd garbage bag concept into something really dazzling. But he does remind Jay that he’s going to have to make an accessory, as that is a requirement of the challenge.
With Maya, Tim drools over her key-necklace accessory and marvels at what’s shaping up to be a pretty cool dress with a collar made out of Venetian blind cording.
Seth Aaron and Ben (“The One From The Milk Carton”) run off to cash their checks for their work as extras in this episode.
Tim sends in the models.
Jonathan explains that his accessory is … a clutch. Jay struggles to with his “leather” pants, since the polyethylene fabric has contracted significantly and now won’t fit the model’s big toe. And Emilio works on cooking up a new bullshit story about how his look is very Valley Of The Dolls, 2009. (If Neely O’Hara has now developed a fondness for romping the beaches naked with plumbing utensils dangling from her nipples, I presume.)
Bang Bang Bang Bang.
Jay works on his accessory … a molded “leather” belt made from the same garbage bags.
Bang Bang Bang Bang.
Jesse, worried about how his copper looks like everyone else’s copper, decides to paint his outfit a sad battleship grey.
Bang Bang Bang Bang.
Before you know it, the day of the runway show arrives and everyone’s freaking out over their bleeding fingers and halfway done outfits. For the boys, Jonathan pulls out another spot-on impression (this time it’s Heidi) and predicts they’ll all be bottoms this time. And for the ladies … Maya makes her bed.
(Have I mentioned lately how impossible it is to joke about these women since they seem to be, while talented, totally devoid of personality?)
Back in the workroom, we get more Dead or Alive.
Bang Bang Bang Bang.
Jesse discovers the joys of duct tape.
Bang Bang Bang Bang.
Tim shows up for the usual commercial endorsements and …
Bang Bang Bang Bang.
Then, the models arrive to have their skin ripped off with the new DeWalt DW680K 3-1/4" Heavy Duty Planer Kit 5.2A 15000 RPM. Fashion is pain, folks.
In the final moments, Emilio struggles with how he’s going to keep from revealing the season-long mystery of whether his model has boy parts or girl parts on the runway. See, his “bikini bottom” is made of 20 metal washers. Which, when coupled with pink string and gravity doesn’t make for a combination compatible with FCC standards.
So, he decides to tie the top part to the bottom part, call it a one-piece bathing suit, and say this was his plan all along.
Now, about that accessory …
Anthony, meanwhile, observes that Seth Aaron’s look looks tortured. And Jesse’s look looks tortured. And Ben’s look looks tortured. Much like Anthony’s Motor-Mouth Mabel routine is tortured.
After the final nips and tucks (the tucks, I assume, are on the part of Emilio’s model), it’s time for the show!
Heidi The Seed Pod arrives and introduces the judges, “Hey, guys,” “Hi, everyone” and guest judges, This Jewelry Guy and That Lady Who Covered Up Michelle Obama’s Guns.
On with the show!
- Mila’s paint-tray look is, as expected, black-and-white and mod all over. It looks cool, but I keep imagining that the model is being sliced up by that plastic pretty nicely under there.
- Jesse’s look is … well, not the worst thing in the world. The skirt is a poofy grey thing which, as the judges say later, looks like a dirty air filter. (Actually, they said it was a dirty vacuum cleaner bag. But, since I’m sure none of them has ever actually touched a vacuum cleaner bag, I’ll forgive the error.) The top part of the dress, though, looks quite exactly like the gladiator outfit I wore in seventh grade Latin class. (I still have the helmet, if you wanna see.)
- Jonathan’s look is a coppery dress and is generally ... acceptable.
- Anthony’s dress is purple and meshy and sleep-inducing. It looks exactly like something he threw together after he sent his first outfit into the recycling bin.
- Ben. Something metal. No one cares. Not this week anyway.
- Emilio. Oh my gaw. Worse even than I imagined. Electric Barbarella as the walking contradiction of a naked person who still will make you wait two hours while they try to get through airport security.
- Jay’s model comes out in what is arguably the coolest outfit ever. “Leather” pants, a stripe-patterned strapless top with a very intricate woven belt. And all made of garbage bags and tape? Brilliance.
- Seth Aaron of the Bang Bang Boutique finally gets to show off what all that noise was about: An occupant of interplanetary craft encased in a sheet metal party dress. Perfect for next year’s Miss Galaxy competition. Bleep bloop blorg.
- Amy’s model emerges wearing the Cocktail Dress O’ Sandpaper. It’s marvelous and totally in keeping with her whole napkin-y design aesthetic. I’m assuming it’s a lock for the top three.
- Maya’s model comes out in her lavender-grey shift dress, but it’s the structured made-from-cording jacket with a high collar that stands out. And the necklace made of keys _ remember that accessory requirement? _ is stunning.
Once the show’s over, Heidi calls out … I’ll let the husband do this one.
“If we didn’t show you during Tim’s ‘talk-to-me’s, please step forward.”
Thanks, hon.
Ben. Jonathan. Amy. (Amy? Really?) Seth Aaron. Off you go! Maybe next time you’ll remember to be featured during work time!
At first, what with Amy not being in the top three, I’m a tad confused as to who’s in the top and who’s in the bottom. But a second later, I realize the three tops are Mila, Maya and Jay. And the bottoms are Emilio, Anthony and Jesse.
During the questioning, the judges ooh and aaah (rightfully) over the tops and note Mila as what I’ll consider the “honorable mention” after Jay and Maya’s stunners.
One kind of comical moment comes when, while creaming over Jay’s design, Michael Kors marvels over Jay’s “bias-cut trash bags,” as if there exist any woven plastic trash bags in the first place. (See definition: bias.)
But on questioning Emilio, not only do they not ask about his non-existent accessory (clearly the reason we have a jewelry designer as a guest judge), but they let him get away with his bullcrap about having initially intended to make a metal bathing suit which left his model Naked On Lifetime.
Anthony is called out for making a “boring prom dress” and Jesse gets it for making something his model look like a Hershey kiss. Or “the Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz.” (Well, maybe the Tin Man’s saucy sister.)
Once the designers are sent away, the judges deliberate. As usual, they basically recap what they said before, with Michael Kors adding that with Maya’s look you could “dissemble” what she did. Well, I don’t know why you’d want to hide it under a false appearance. But you certainly could disassemble it and wear each piece separately.
The designers are called back in.
Maya is in. She heads off to to receive her next covert assignment.
Jay is … the winner of the challenge.
He wets his Hammer Pants out of excitement.
Mila is in. She severely sashays away.
Anthony makes 17 goofy faces, is declared safe. He heads off back to Sugarbaker Designs before he’s docked for another day’s pay.
Which leaves Emilio and Jesse.
After the usual shaming … Jesse … is out.
What the poo?
I mean, Jesse’s look was no great shakes, but a naked model and totally avoiding one of the requisites of the challenge entirely? And he’s safe?
I call shenanigans.
Anyhoo, Jesse promises we’ll see him … and not back among the Castmembers, I assume.
Next time on Project Runway: Tim is worried! A cat in a baby sling! It’s bizzah!
Cliff Visits Two Chicago Top Chef Restaurants
February 14, 2010
Hey there, hi there, ho there, Top Chefies. Cliffie here.
A few weeks ago, the hubby and I sought to escape the dreary cold of Columbus, Ohio, and headed to lovely, warm and sunny Chicago!
OK, there may have been a problem or two with that plan.
Well, it was sunny at least.
In any case, we had a good time. And it being Valentine's Day weekend (I know; I procrastinate), we decided to take in a Sandra Bernhard show and visit a couple Top Chef-related restaurants.
Our first day in town, we decided to have lunch at Top Chef Masters winner Rick Bayless' classic Frontera Grill.
Wow. I thought I had had Mexican food before. I clearly was mistaken. We knew that the Mexican cooking master had wowed the entire universe with his slow-cooked mole, so we ordered his Enchiladas de Mole Poblano, homemade tortillas rolled around Gunthorp free-range chicken, doused with Mexicos most famous mole; black beans.
Enjoy.
And, I know, when one does this kind of thing, the dining parties are supposed to order different things. But there's no way either one of us were going to deprive ourselves of that delicious experience.
Even the (ordered separately) chips and salsa were exquisite. And my drink, a Bloody Mary-esque concoction made with beer was amazing. Yum!
The next night, we headed to dinner at Sprout, the establishment of Top Chef Season Three finalist Dale Levitski.
Being as this was Valentine's Day weekend, we felt this was a very special dinner and the place didn't disappoint. (Side note: I had "friended" Dale on Facebook in advance of our dining there and wondered if there was a chance we'd get to see him to say hello. He did accept the request, but never wrote back. Not that I expected him to come out to greet folks, really. Particularly when I saw how wonderfully busy the place was. Yea for him!)
The restaurant is located near DePaul University and, being near a college, is surrounded by the usual collection of pubs, laundromats, 24-hour copy shops and parades of girls in scrunchies and pajama bottoms with words like "FIELD HOCKEY" written across their asses. So, I was (for whatever reason) surprised to enter the place and discover it to be a very fancy fine-dining establishment. Thankfully, we did dress nicely. But if we hadn't, I would have felt impossibly out of place.
The restaurant offers both á la carte and a prixe fixe dining options. But since it was a special occasion, we decided to go all-in and take the latter choice from their special Valentine's Day menu.
Again, we both made the same dining choice across the board. (I really don't like to eat off anyone else's plate and refuse to let anyone eat off of mine. It's a reaction to that being my mother's perpetual M.O. Sue me.)
We started with the truffle, a creation with radish, frissee, mushroom and a crunchy baguette. The dish was quite tasty, though the truffle's gelatinous texture could be off-putting to some. The baguette tasted a mite stale to me, but perhaps that's how it was supposed to be.
This was followed by the second course where we opted for the game dish, made up of duck, pheasant, veal and lamb with blackened peas and apricot.
This was quite delicious and a lovely marriage of various proteins. Having watched the chefs last season have to create a protein inside a protein inside a protein, I wondered how that would taste. And now I know. Yummy.
And for dessert, we had the banana dish, a delectable pastry with cashews, coconut, 5 spice and chocolate.
All in all, it was a lovely time and a great dining experience. (Oh, I did see Dale in the kitchen through that little glass door pane on my two trips to the washroom. He is looking good, but clearly was very busy back there.) It's great to see that this Top Chef vet and his sous chef, castmate Sara Nguyen, are succeeding!
Hope you enjoyed that. And happy dining!
