Top Chef All-Stars: Something Fishy This Way Comes

January 12, 2011

Gentle readers. Owing to the lateness of this post you can guess one thing ...


I'm on vacation.


Hence, blogging about our favorites (and un-favorites) in the kitchen is taking a back seat to delighting in the tropical pleasures of ... Pittsburgh. (I kid. It's a lovely city.)


So, here's what we got.


Marcel gets hammered and does his best worst impression of Eminem in 8 Mile. Dale proves that his anger management has done wonders by not throwing M-Dawg off the roof.

The chefs discover there's no Quickfire and instead are instructed to hop in their Yugos and head out to Montauk to fish for their ingredients.

The chefs are split into four teams of three. Richard jokes about grabbing Marcel's pole. Dale gives birth to a huge fish. And Antonia shrieks like a little girl in tones so high, I feel my testicles are now somewhere in my lungs.

While grocery shopping, DoucheyMike jokes around with Angelo, which pisses off Angelo. Angelo responds by jabbing Mike in the balls with a cucumber. Angelo gains 20 points in everyone's eyes.

In the fakeout scene we get to see what fish the chefs think their colleagues would be. Tre, naturally, is tagged by Tiffany as being a never-noticed-under-the-sand flounder. And we get the wonderful and beautiful knowledge that DoucheyMike farts a lot.

They serve on the beach.

Gail and a few diners toss off a few "awesome"s. DoucheyMike tries to get Angelo laid by a couple of lady diners.

At Judges' Table, Carla, Dale and Tre face off against Angelo, DoucheyMike and Tiffany for the best dish. Carla wins the challenge and a trip to Amsterdam for making a New York bagel-inspired lettuce wrap. She does her patented Olive Oyl dance in celebration.

This, of course, offends Marcel who realizes he's on the losing end of things. Because everyone must at all times be sensitive to the feelings of the man who hasn't taken off the Wolverine costume he wore for Halloween in 2002.

So, Antonia, Jamie and Tiffani join Richard, Fabio and Marcel as the two losing teams.

Antonia is told that if she hadn't been saddled with Jamie and Tiffani, she would have had the winning dish. And Team Testosterone 'N' Foam gets it for having made only one dish with too many elements.

Once it's all over Jamie gets to go home and be whiny and rationalize about why she couldn't shovel her walk because she sprained her ankle in the sixth grade. And joining her will be Tiffani, who managed to completely rehabilitate her image after turning so many people off in Season One.

And, with that, we're all left lesbian-less.