Top Chef Texas: Game Called On Account Of Tequila

December 14, 2011




Previously on Top Chef: The chefs were challenged to cater a dinner for 1,000 fashion victims with a thing for red meat and wearing outdoor headgear indoors. Everyone was tremendously underwhelmed. Ty-Lör was nearly de-digitized and nearly eliminated. And Poor Whitney was sent to Redemption Kitchen for making undercooked potatoes au gratin.

Gentle reader,

Things are far too busy for a proper blog this week. So sorry about that. If you only knew.

So here's the 60-second recap.

Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa ... Tequila!

Non-Samurai Chris emerges from the shadows and nearly wins. But the Quickfire win goes to Mi Ty-Lör. Yay!

Next, you'll be cooking wild game for a bunch of famous chefs.

Surprise! You'll be in teams!

Surprise! You'll be paired with the person on your side! Yes, this means that Big Ole' Bully Heather will be paired with Poor Beverly. Drama ensues.

Surprise! The chefs themselves will have to pick the three teams with the worst plates to send before the judges for elimination! More drama.

Samurai Chris convinces his teammate Grayson that he can make a cool garnish with sweet potatoes. He can't. She's pissed. He seems determined to broadcast his mistake to anyone who'll listen. She's not keen on this, since she'd be going home too. (Message: Grayson has a working brain stem.)

Ty-Lör and teammate Edward fire on all cylinders and win the challenge and redemption. Yay!

Total Bitchface Heather thinks it's better that she harangue Beverly over what happened last week (you know, when she spent a long time making shrimp that was just fine and didn't endanger Heather at all) as an excuse for making a dish which showed how poorly she works with her teammate. Even if it means they'd both go home as a result. (Message: Heather does not have a working brain stem. ... Or a neck.)

Dakota somehow undercooks her venison and, despite it not tasting that awful, it gets her (and her rather blameless teammate, Nyesha) sent home.

Sadness. For the talented two. And for me having to see that awful Heather for another week.

Redemption Kitchen

In true Survivor rip-off style, we get a three-person "duel," a contradiction in terms. Poor Whitney faces off against Dakota and Nyesha to make something or other. Again, I'm lost as to the Dallas/San Antonio/why are the eliminated chefs all wearing the clothes they wore last week? situation.

Nyesha wins. Happiness.

Except we can assume that she won't defeat every future eliminated chef.

Next time on Top Chef: We leave awful Dallas for Texas' one supposedly redeeming place, Austin. Something happens. And I hope it involves Heather being run over by a herd of buffalo (aka Heather impersonators).