Top Chef Texas: Something Co-Branded This Way Comes

January 18. 2012

Previously on Top Chef:  The chefs did the usual restaurant wars thing. After being divided into men vs. women, the usual bickerfest and service-related drama took place. The women won, Beverly got the nod for best work, to the consternation of Sarah and Lindsey. The men lost and the photoriffic My Ty-Lör went off to be knocked off in the Redemption Kitchen by Nyesha.

You know how I usually whine about other stuff I got going? Well, this time it involves a (positive) major life event involving pulling up stakes and moving far, far away. And, as these things take many weeks, it will likely adversely affect my blogging the rest of the season.  So, please forgive.


So, we left this with Sarah being a complete loon to Beverly's face about how the previous week's challenge went and how she thought that Lindsey should have been the winner for some insane reason. I thought I'd give the woman the benefit of the doubt, thinking that perhaps it had to do with her decision to hide the kitchen from the judges (something the men didn't do, to their peril). But, nooooo. She just thought that Lindsey deserved the hosannas for having "held the team together." As if.

Which means that both Sarah and Lindsey are on my list of chefs I most want to see lose. Which means they won't.

Quickfire Challenge

The chefs are confronted with a bizarre baggage carousel-like conveyor belt challenge where odd food items appear and disappear on the food-go-round. They can grab the crappy stuff that comes out first and have more time to prepare their dishes or they can wait for the "good" stuff and lose valuable time. This only works as comedy in that you get to see Chris the Slobtacular lose some lobsters on the carousel twice before snatching them at the last second. Not that it helped him win the challenge or anything.

But the drama is really seeing Beverly freak out when at the last second she realizes that she's forgotten to put one of her mandatory three ingredients on the plate, despite its being ready. And, to add insult to injury, Padma and guest judge Eric The Ripper tell her that, had she managed that one extra thing, she would have won the challenge (and immunity) "by a mile."

So, a mile behind is Lindsey's dish, which earns her the backhanded victory. Golf claps all around.

Elimination Challenge

  For the elimination challenge, Padma introduces Oscar winner Charlize Theron, who is starring in ABC's Once Upon A Time as the evil queen terrorizing Snow White. (I think that's what it was. They didn't really say. Odd, that.) And for the challenge, the chefs will have to create a gothic dish themed to appropriately promote the entertainment vehicle.

The chefs rush off to the Quick Check for supplies, and we get footage of Beverly being goofy and banging into things. All that's missing is a Lucy Carmichael-esque scene of her pulling the bottom grapefruit off a pyramid of fruit and having them all come crashing down onto a frustrated Mr. Mooney.

At the Casa Cuisine (Mini San Antonio Edition, not to be confused with energy sucking Mega McMansion Edition, which I'd bet ya is the sequester house for the eliminated chefs), the chefs sit around and Paul tells everyone to play nice the following day. It's clear that this is everyone's "subtle" way of telling Beverly not to stomp over everyone in her way in the kitchen.

Cut to Beverly nodding at this with seemingly no idea that this entire conversation is being directed at her. (Or so, the edit would suggest.)

Come time to dine, we learn a few things.

• Charlize is really looking forward to her characterization of Elphaba in this upcoming screened version of Wicked.

• Tom has the most awful sense of humor. I mean, it's so bad, I wanted to break the screen. I suspect he thinks he slays with knock-knock jokes and witty puns.

• Grayson takes things really literally. And she has a pretty damn dark sense of things for someone who says "awesome" every six words.

• If I hear the gang promote this NBC series Grimm (that's what they were promoting, right?) one more time, I'm gonna have more than a chicken claw to hang from the chandelier.

• And Sarah should really reexamine how she makes risotto if every judge who's tasted hers has suggested it's not cooked properly.

In the end, all the chefs are praised immensely for their macabre dishes, and we really can't see how they'd eliminate anyone. Tom, of course, thinks it will be "fun" to nitpick the small details to make someone lose out for some beyond subtle, ultra-subjective reason.

So, Beverly is sent packing. Sob.

Redemption Kitchen

Land-a-goshen, who'da thunk that this webby extra would be host to the most entertaining thing of the entire season. It's actually raising my expectations for the OMG faces on the finalists when they see Tom come in and re-introduce the series' winner to the contest.

Unless it's the one last eliminated chef, in which case it'll be as much a snoozefest as I had expected at the onset.

In any case, Dopey Beverly goes up against Nyseha. Tom reveals to Bev that her challenger has eliminated more than half (?) of the competition at this stage. And Heather the Talking Wildebeest has to get in the first dig, joining about everyone else predicting that Nyesha will take down Beverly in short order.

As for the challenge, the two will be cooking a fish and they are led to believe that the twist is that they'll each only get one pass at the pantry to collect all the ingredients and equipment they'll need for their dish.

But ... surprise! A couple minutes in, Doughy Tom jogs into the kitchen (he really needs to jog more) and announces that the two are to immediately swap stations and cook with what the other has picked out.

This does not please Nyesha one. little. bit.

Hey, I was on her side for most of this season. But our gal is seriously competitive and didn't gain points with me for downplaying Bev's chances. (Not to mention her strange grudge against Ty-Lör, which, interviews suggest, he had no clue about.)

So, after the usual whining about having to use Asian ingredients, Nyesha makes her fine dish. (What is it with this series and people complaining about other people always cooking Asian dishes? That may have surpassed "I am not a pastry chef" as the most overplayed tune of the series.)

And, as time counts down, the members of the Nyseha Cheer Squad start to lose their shit when they see that with seemingly seconds left, Beverly still hadn't touched her fish. Still, somehow, she manages to get it done just as time expires.

Come time for Man Of Mirth, Tom, to judge, he loves both dishes, but cheerfully nitpicks to pick a winner. And, based on the level of seasoning alone, the win goes to ... Beverly!

The cast is clearly overjoyed.

And Beverly doesn't seem to get it.

Same as it ever was.

Next time on Top Chef: We get a visit from British Indie Rock band Bloc Party. (I mean, what else could the episode name mean?) And the chefs face off head-to-head, which gives mean girls Sarah and Lindsey a case of the sadz. Frowny face.